When god was busy..

I will be there for you, when you need me just cry out to me, i will help you…


A part of the job description for post of GOD..

i used to believe in it until a few years back even though my prayers were unanswered still kept faith that may be it was a test of sort. But then slowly i realized I was fooling myself for there was no divine being who looks at the good and the evil. It is a hoax created a very good sales technique.

Funny though 24 years of my life was spent on believing that there is an invisible man up in the sky who looks at me for every action or thought i do or commit. Then came a point in my life where i was hitting rock bottom and i went on my knees and pleaded literally cried like a baby asked for help went to temples ran crazy and result ..nothing i hit the rock bottom of my life and still struggle to get back up yet doing it slowly.

So to all my believers ah as far i know i am no saint same time neither a devil. I did my mistakes and wrong doings which any normal human would do. But yes i can cross my heart and say that i lead a decent and faithful life and still i am. But when i really wanted help the invisible man did not help.

people gave hundred of reasons saying it’s because god has a plan, its cause he is testing you etc. went into depression tried killing my self. Waav some good fucking plan…hahah

then i made up my mind there is no point in seeking this invisible person instead i started slowly step by step building my self i know it’s a long way to go but am happy that i am  doing it on my own, lost few friends since i started hating invisible man.

Out of all these only thing which hurt me was one simple fact i followed in footsteps of my dad who is a religious person prayed 2 times a day helped deserving people. What did i get i was stuck in an unknown country  struggling to get a job later quit the job due to some reason then spent 2 more months searching job. Spent night without food cause i had shortage of money. Got laughed and mocked at. So should i still believe that there is a good god above..?; well fuck no fucking no way…

I say it with anger and pain in me that i was duped for 24 years of my life that god is there and he looks upon us. But as per my experience there aint crap. I cried at nights pleading begging like a child. And nothing and i realized there is no god. Even if there was what the fuck was he busy with that he could not hear the cry and prayer .

When i started thinking rationally i realized it all hoax. people are just dumb to believe in godma…

I say it now out loud there is no god no savior it is just us we need to save our self and be glad that it was us and us only.

If there exists a god and i get a chance to see that sadist egomaniac he would have to pray for mercy and apology from me.

Any one who says otherwise here is my middle finger saluting your intellect.


All i expected was a simple life not a showy one i did not ask for castles nor loads of wealth.

whenever people tell me god is there , i say if there exists such a divine being why did he take away all what i loved, cheat me haunt me .. well no fucking reason apparently

When god was busy, listening to praise’s from his followers;

when god was busy forgiving the unforgivable

millions died of hunger, thousands died in agony

When god was busy with his divine plan

thousands died awaiting help believing in him….

God u have no place in life mainly cause you are figment of imagination of many and you have no forgiveness from my end if you do exist.

Cheers to life



You heard me…………..

You all heard me crib about a being, about the invisible man and most of the things. Well out of all one of them contacted me…

Well am Speechless rather wordless..:D

Well even though it was kinda rude and insulting conversation it was a happy one

That’s all i can explain i mean literally fell into pool of tears cause she messaged and asked how am i

To get that i mean i know it sounds silly to many but for me its a bg thing. I mean after writing so much bout her hoping that she would read and get back to me atleast to talk and achieving it is a big thing for me.

Funny how one person can change everything for you even when they no longer in ones life.

Huh even though it started off with sarcasm finally got to see her face how she is via DP. It was like finding oasis in desert..:D

I do not have words to explain but ah she is happy without me and that just adds to the joy…

She reached heights in career and ah good for her even though it made me feel down saying may be i couldnt help her still she made it to the top and at a very young.. well best of luck DAF……

Love you even now…

I do not have words to explain so here is a virtually hug ..:D be happy always and keep growing

| lostmindd on WordPress.com

why should I apologize for the monster I’ve become, no ones ever apologized for making me this way

Source: | lostmindd on WordPress.com



In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Out of Reach.”– Write about the one X that got away — a person, an experience, a place you wanted to visit. How much would you change about your life to have it within reach again?


As I read the description of this daily prompt a hundred thoughts came across my mind. So here goes the one person who got away rather the only person I ever had been the source of inspiration and happiness to me at one point in life. I would give up on anything and everything for her. Call it madness/obsession/truelove or what so ever.

The innocent smile with a kiddish voice and a very friendly nature so many guys behind her and call it luck or fate she became mine. The things i would do to get her back is anything right now, Well , huh lemme see ah definitely talk to my family despite knowing she was of different religion. Then comes the saving money part instead of spending it like crazy; hahah and ah control my anger and my stupid stupid not so funny jokes..:P

Quit smoking and drinking, and most of all i wish i could control my attachment to her and not do the stupid decision of fighting with her family. Then ah yeah wish i could quit my job earlier and fly to Dubai by not listening to her saying come after few months. I do not know if am trying to find fault in self to compensate the haunting question of what did i do wrong..? that she left me.

Life seems so lost without her at times when i sit alone and think on where i wanna reach,the most common thought which comes is if she were here i would have handled it differently.

Memories were created and she forget apparently, but am happy that she is happy without me and she achieved the success for which i am still struggling but yes if i could go back in time i would definitely stay away and adore her and be her secret admirer and still be happy without having her.

Every time i write bout her it brings a mixture of smile and tears for people say forget her but they do not know the struggle we been through together and something changed her may be my love was not sufficient may be i needed to show her more love may be i should have been more ah stupid and not so serious..heheh or may be i should have never fell in love.

If i could i really wish even now after almost one and half years of a very painful breakup that i could save the relations i would give up on everything i have got and will get. For i loved her too much n still do. I do not care bout being laughed and mocked at for being emotional and crap. I know i love her no matter what. Cause i gave in everything i had even when i had no strength to take on the challenges of life. funny how one person could affect me so much huh.. But that’s life may be some people are just meant to come as rainbow and then disappear….

I had kept this post in my draft since 2 days adding on cause its hard to control my emotions when i think of her and realise she is not in arms but in someone else’s and not know the reason why she hates me now and left me in a puddle of confusion, pain and depression. But i know she is happy and is achieving all those dreams which she wanted to achieve. what wouldn’t i give to get her back. Here is a small a poem …

You came as an oasis to my life,

filled my life with river of happiness.

You thought me to pass the mountains of sadness;

you were the reason for my smile back then and at times even now.

When you had no intent of staying why you made me look into the distant future

Oh girl what were you thinking; i am no cheater

I was there to stay and not to run away.

You do not know how deep gap you left in my heart Oh girl, I was crazy but you thought me that i was perfectly crazy.

I miss you even now, i still stare at the moon trying to find you

for you said years ago ‘whenever you miss me look at the moon’

but why is it that i do not find you.

I was a fool that i was thinking that we were invincible as a couple.

I write bout you thinking that one day you will read it and know how i loved you.

You are happy and that’s the only silver lining in this mess.

my heart never got the strength or audacity to forget you or fall for someone else.

loneliness is my best friend, thoughts are my family.

Alcohol my medicine.

Your memory my heaven

Oh girl, i still love you, wish you would know……………..

This post seems all messed up i do know that but no matter how much i tried i couldn’t put words from my thoughts cause my hands shake when she comes to my mind.

Just an advice never play with emotions of others for it may not matter for you, but the one whose feelings are hurt knows the hell he has to go thru….

Laughing and mocking at the pain of others is easy try helping that’s something tough…is it not..:)


Come destroy me again…

Lets battle it out; lets fight for glory.

Come with your cavalry come with your swords and guns,

Come with the whole whole world against me

But fight with honor and not behind my back.

I may fall down but not die

N if i do not die that is your loss,

for i know no defeat for i fight unto death.

I fought for you by you and

you stabbed me but your only mistake,

you let me live with a scar

which reminds me of your betrayal.

Come my love, come destroy me again

For i have grown immune to pain,

Come destroy me again for i have grown wiser

For i am awaken

to fight it out with you.

For my glory is in my battle and not cheating

For i am a monster whom you created out of betrayal.

Come destroy me again for i wanna feel that pain again same time

see you again….


Just a thought….

Someone is sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago. – Warren Buffet.

In a world slowly slipping away from humanity and morality these kind off words does give hope that yes humanity will survive. Why do i speak of it ..? pretty simple somebody has too. We have to be the somebody that we always quote. Change does not come from others it comes from us. And that in turn changes the world step by step. It’s a chain reaction not instantaneous but slow and steady one.

My grandma always said to me when i was young do no harm to any same time do not take any bullshit either. Then i grew up and learnt that in between do no harm and take no shit there was something called has limit of patience. and when that crosses make war and make sure opponent regrets waging war.

Peace is for those who know the value of it and for those who understand the language of violence give it to them. the animal kingdom teaches so many things one of my favorite is the crocodile, it stays patiently watching the move of its prey and finally at the preys  weak moment,baaam bite to kill.

So what is it of value here, well it’s simple just because someone is silent necessarily does not mean he is innocent or so it can be he is plotting his kill. Cause he is tired of being nice well .

Cheers to life



Flying back

The time has come again to fly back to a distant country in search of a career ,mainly money ..:P After almost 4 months break heading back to UAE in search of a job putting behind all that is going on in life. Hoping and taking a calculated risk that i will get a job this time.

The previous unsuccessful attempt actually did teach me that sometimes even friends do not come in handy during times of need and it is family who come. Feeling excited, scared, confused altogether.

The past one year has been pretty much tragic but there were few golden moments in them. Lost all my savings but found that my family does not hate as much as i think they do. Got time to grieve over the loss of a relation which i thought would last long.  Saw new places met new people. Altogether even in those dark night i found light.

Realised that sometimes in life money does mean most of the things and it can get you almost everything.

Now heading back to fight back the lost glory to prove to those who insulted me wrong. Feel like the old me is slowly awakening powerfully and this time. Kinda feeling sad that i would have to leave my home country again. Scared that if it does not work out this time am down the drain in terms of money and career.

But the will to succeed and become successful is pushing me to the very edge of life……

Thought of sharing it with you all.

Cheers to life