Dancing with darkness

As the stage was set with

a million light and one spot light

the heart started its walk towards

the locked doors of the past and knocks;

the mind begs for mercy not to

open the door, the soul laughs at both.

In the end the heart won and the door opens

the walk turns into a ballad between

reality and dreams.

The eyes sprinkles water on the occasion,

the souls gives a shout out so

loud that all go deaf expect oneself..

Darkness looks so pretty amidst all this

chaos.

There is just rage warming the cold heart.

There is guilt, there is pain

there is countless prayers to the unseen.

And then comes out the devil

calling out for a dance.

As the soul lends out the hand,

both dance in the darkness

shouldering one and another.

There was no harm from darkness

as society warned, the perception

towards darkness changed the day

light gave up on him

and darkness was the only ally who stood by.

alcohol is the drink which can

partly drench his thirst and sooth .

Her smile though was more intoxicating than alcohol itself,

so strong that even years after she left

it was still etched in his heart and soul till date.

Every tear that is shed out

is in remembrance of the time spent together

it is the only thing left in life for she was no longer there.

trying to find her amidst every crowd,

created anxiety and thus he secluded himself

from society.

Trying to find her knowing it will

hurt him, all he wanted was to just see her

from distance at least, cause all he wanted

was to know if she is doing well

cause she was the princess he once fought battles along side with.

She was a majestic being

she was humble at one point in life

and all that was etched onto his soul

that what ever was the betrayal he encountered

from her was perceived as  an act of necessity.

There he stood dancing with the darkness

as all these thoughts haunting inside and outside

was that smile and careless outlook

as if nothing really happened to the bruised soul

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

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Footstep

As the sound of footsteps

were no longer heard,

the giggles vanished

the cute shouting

went numb.

The ride along the

road turned into

a lonely trip.

She was there same time not there.

She became Schrödinger’s cat

live example.

She took it all away

the smile, the happiness,

the very essence that

kept him alive.

She thought of it as a Yiddish

act what she did.

But she did not know

that, that was what

he liked it in her

cause she made him feel like

a kid without being ashamed of it.

She outgrew it while he was

dragged into that state of innocence.

Hands were clapped together to

every imaginary being

for mercy for a miracle.

The hands which never knelt before anyone

came down n fell onto her

feet. But

he was immature for her now…

He cried a river and oceans for her

but she had built a dam

to obstruct those from reaching her.

The soul which was once alive

died, it died a death that it

wished not even

worst of his enemies should get.

Silent cry for peace was witnessed by the 4 walls

and the darkness of his room.

Madness was the only way out.

From a one faced man,

he turned himself into a two-faced person.

A smiling Buddha in the morning

and a fire-breathing dragon at night.

Death was the only wish he wished upon

the shooting stars.

his heart ached for the pieces of memories,

the arms longed for that last hug

cheeks wished for that one small kiss

heart prayed for that warmth she bestowed upon him.

From a depend less

person he had become

a dependent of a soul who left him in

the pit of fire.

Pages of poems, heaps of unsaid words

in form of letters all just to himself

meant for her.

For fate, life, destiny all

played one of the most cruelest joke

from transforming a beast into a

human and later let him rot in

the agony of memories.

Heart was broken, mind was

shattered, soul damaged.

He lost himself, searching for her.

In the streets, in the buses in the trains,

in the garden, all but in vain

for it was all gone she

was in the arms of another man.

All he could do was ponder as to

what he did wrong,

what was it that he fell short of.

As he heard her name his eyes

would glow with a hope that she is

around.

He would search the crowd with

a hope that she may be around

only to realize she is present in his

heart and soul.

Anger and sadness walked inside

while smile danced outside.

People disturbed his soul,

whilst solitude rejuvenated.

All that was left was memoirs of the

glory past where she walked beside him

now all that was left was a damaged armor

with a sword on his back

passing through the heart

as a mark of the LOVE that

once tamed the savage beast.

Words wanted to come out

but couldn’t speak out

for the senses also cheated .

Hope was lost, dreams were crushed.

Happiness was destroyed.

A mini-universe within

collapsed onto destruction.

All the alcohol in the world

all the smiles in the universe

could not relieve him

of the fire burning inside..

The flame burns till now

hoping for her return

destroying him inch by inch.

Somedays he wants to destroy

the world

somedays he just wants to see the world

burn down by itself.

Somedays he wants to hunt down the wolves

somedays he becomes the wolf.

Some days he is at a paradox with himself

and some days he is at peace.

And that my friend is the reality

the bruises that love leaves behind

when love leaves………

That is the state of the heartbroken

who fight the demons which they

help create…

pain is a daily

routine when one tries

to express in words they just go

numb…. for some pain

are felt and not expressed

for some emotions are cruel

beyond …

 

 

 

 

hop hope

Hope

 

There is hope they said,

But how do you explain

when you do not wanna

hope,

for hope is what bought

sadness and the bitterness.

Hope for the best,

all suggested

How do you explain them

that the hope for best

made him the worst.

They said have hope

don be bitter,

how do you explain

you have lost hope

for hope was the reason

for expectations

which lead to disappointment……

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

The mind and its tricks

“What other dungeon is so dark as one’s own heart! What jailer so inexorable as one’s self?” – Nathaniel Hawthorne.

As the sunsets the inner demon awaken for their night mind games and exorcism on them is only a glass of scotch whisky with ice for it soothes them for a while. And little of music and a whole lot of reading and writing. This is the darkness which i created in my own heart.

But this darkness has exposed me to a new level of utilizing even the baddest time to our gain; i.e Reading books and writing. It has by far expanded the knowledge bank of my tiny brain. So Lets go by the quote which i put in the beginning of the post. It kinda caught my attention as i was going thru few links. And let a bug inside me to think on it and debate with myself.

So is our mind the biggest prison and we being the baddest warden well, yes it is true. For our mind and heart runs in different different direction and voila a recipe for disaster. But the worst part is when one likes the prison and automatically the warden becomes his favourite guy. Does our soul or do we need to be prisoners.

Why cant we liberate ourself and truly be free from everything. Its not easy but why not try why not fight the battle for freedom and ultimately win the war. Its hard yet not impossible i myself am trying to fight it but yes some point we all find it not worth it but when we look at the future and the people behind us waiting for us to win this epic battle it motivates us to give it all we got and we become our own hero.

But thats the hardest part so we give up and stay stagnant as to where we are standing. But inside the prison of our mind sometimes we find ourself.

Getting found while lost is an never forgetful incident so it teaches you more. Its ok to be lost sometimes we need to be lost for a while we need to break our routine and see and experience something new.

Enjoy everything whatever comes at you in life for everything is lesson and what fun is a class if you cannot have some fun.

Cheers to life

 

The highway to somewhere..I guess

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “If You Leave.”

Life is a circus we like some acts and there are few acts which makes us say “WTF dude..!!”. But end of day we have to realize that we are the ones who paid for the ticket and said ” lemme enjoy it …”. But whether we sit through the whole show or not is entirely dependent on us alone. But there are a few of us who look into it in a different way say like we though we paid we do not wanna be there yet we are still there for the sole reason that we will we surrounded by people beside us and we can see we are somewhat better off….

Now getting to the main content of this post ah If you leave…

In one single year i have changed 3 jobs, left my home country and even tried some crazy stuff which i myself wouldn’t believe i did.

The pro of it as i found is there are some really messed up, the con is that’s not an excuse.

Why do i say so is because I got to see how really the world runs how certain values are just mere words for the current generation. I am not that old however the concept speaks for its self for example the word loyalty is just a word which people use for name sake..

The journey of mine began last year around same time, i left my job traveled 3500+ kms to an unknown country with a blind hope that I can correct my relation with my Ex landed in this desert land and joined a job which i did not like quit it after 3 months went back home and joined a job again and quit and now back to this country again. so in a year i had 3 jobs and lost every penny i saved up. Despite the tragic part it did teach me a lesson in life like not all stand by their words, when you have money everyone is there for you, some people are dumber than a freaking piece wood. But despite all these they are a few who stand out amongst all this chaos who still believe   in principles who stand by you thru good and bad. Yea such people do exist they are in minority but still they exist.

What i learnt in this journey of a year is  basically something for which I had shown a shut-eye yet life made me open my eyes and see it even when i didn’t want to see.Love was a game and i was played. Trust was a fancy word which was over taken by money. Loyalty was just a sham only to make me feel happy, honesty was  a really expensive concept cost me my whole life.

Destruction came from the one I loved and trusted. I traveled even when I just wanted to shut up and sit at some isolated place away from humanity.

The world really needs a monster at times to show them the value of a nice person but then again who am i kidding …

I am on the highway life going somewhere.. i guess….

The destination does not bother me the journey does not make me happy all i know is i am travelling and believe that I will reach somewhere.

Walking with memories of someone with a fake smile and a false hope that someday she will be back and with a dream that i shall be happy without her.

But i am grateful to her that i saw the real cruelty in the world masked as being “real”.

It just thought me that its better to be lonely than to be cheated on….

Cheers to life

Airboy89

He could have, but he just dint……

There is good and there is evil we shut our eyes to the bad and boast about the good things; well its good in a way to keep a positive approach for life. But then are we not abetting evil by giving a blind eye to it… Well ever thought of it in that way.

The problem with the world is when a person showcases or talk of the wrongs of world he either tagged as a negative person or a conspiracy theorist so and so forth, thus enabling the wrong doers to go on.

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So how does one develop the patience to see the wrong happenings and just keep quiet. Well may be its the few absurd dumb minded fools who persuade  the mass followers and thus a majority of society goes on doing dumb stuff.

Its really simple when we see wrong things step up and stop it, but no we do not want to do it cause we are afraid of being judged by the  society of which we our self are an integral part.

So when something bad happens to us we do not have the right to ask why me,,? until we have have spoken out in the past,

Funny is it not we say its life, its how worlds works etc etc when something bad happens to others but when we happen to go thru same shit we get hypocritical .

So next time see something wrong please step up ..

Cause eventually we all have to face life ….

Cheers to life

Airboy89

When god was busy..

I will be there for you, when you need me just cry out to me, i will help you…

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A part of the job description for post of GOD..

i used to believe in it until a few years back even though my prayers were unanswered still kept faith that may be it was a test of sort. But then slowly i realized I was fooling myself for there was no divine being who looks at the good and the evil. It is a hoax created a very good sales technique.

Funny though 24 years of my life was spent on believing that there is an invisible man up in the sky who looks at me for every action or thought i do or commit. Then came a point in my life where i was hitting rock bottom and i went on my knees and pleaded literally cried like a baby asked for help went to temples ran crazy and result ..nothing i hit the rock bottom of my life and still struggle to get back up yet doing it slowly.

So to all my believers ah as far i know i am no saint same time neither a devil. I did my mistakes and wrong doings which any normal human would do. But yes i can cross my heart and say that i lead a decent and faithful life and still i am. But when i really wanted help the invisible man did not help.

people gave hundred of reasons saying it’s because god has a plan, its cause he is testing you etc. went into depression tried killing my self. Waav some good fucking plan…hahah

then i made up my mind there is no point in seeking this invisible person instead i started slowly step by step building my self i know it’s a long way to go but am happy that i am  doing it on my own, lost few friends since i started hating invisible man.

Out of all these only thing which hurt me was one simple fact i followed in footsteps of my dad who is a religious person prayed 2 times a day helped deserving people. What did i get i was stuck in an unknown country  struggling to get a job later quit the job due to some reason then spent 2 more months searching job. Spent night without food cause i had shortage of money. Got laughed and mocked at. So should i still believe that there is a good god above..?; well fuck no fucking no way…

I say it with anger and pain in me that i was duped for 24 years of my life that god is there and he looks upon us. But as per my experience there aint crap. I cried at nights pleading begging like a child. And nothing and i realized there is no god. Even if there was what the fuck was he busy with that he could not hear the cry and prayer .

When i started thinking rationally i realized it all hoax. people are just dumb to believe in godma…

I say it now out loud there is no god no savior it is just us we need to save our self and be glad that it was us and us only.

If there exists a god and i get a chance to see that sadist egomaniac he would have to pray for mercy and apology from me.

Any one who says otherwise here is my middle finger saluting your intellect.

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All i expected was a simple life not a showy one i did not ask for castles nor loads of wealth.

whenever people tell me god is there , i say if there exists such a divine being why did he take away all what i loved, cheat me haunt me .. well no fucking reason apparently

When god was busy, listening to praise’s from his followers;

when god was busy forgiving the unforgivable

millions died of hunger, thousands died in agony

When god was busy with his divine plan

thousands died awaiting help believing in him….

God u have no place in life mainly cause you are figment of imagination of many and you have no forgiveness from my end if you do exist.

Cheers to life

Airboy89