It shall all pass…

Sometimes I wish could freeze
time, so I could relive

the moment you lied to me

that you love me.

for the moment is still etched

in my heart and mind

replaying at the depths of my soul in the dark nights

and the brightest day, in the busiest instant of time

to the time I am free as a hawk in the sky.

Wishing and trying to figure out

what made you go rogue on our love

and kill it in the most gruesomest

way possible, damaging me to an extent

that even my best friend could repair,

nor could the hundreds of God could

give redemption from.

In the corners of the road, amongst the thousands

my eyes still searches for you in the real

world as well as the virtual world.

Hoping and dreaming just for a glance

of your beautiful smile

which once brought me to my knees.

Every day I decide to let go, but letting go itself lets go

of my decision.

You were always the damsel who made

me put on my best battle suit to fight on.

And till today I do fight, before it was to win you

now to let you go.

Your love was all that kept me humble and kind

and till date it sure does.

For whenever there is a happy moment it makes

Me doubt the instance .

You were the flower that bloomed

In my desert heart.

Unknowingly things went haywire

Paradise was just burnt to the ground

And u danced amidst the ashes.

The artistic approach to literature

Turned into a monologue of trying

To forget and forgive you.

For you see; words merely try to speak

Out my heart n soul.

You were the chaos I was once

Happy to be with now

All am left with is just the chaos

Which you left me with.

How do I tell that

You still cross my mind

That i still to long to hold your

Hands n walk through rest of

Our life.

You are there yet not there

So is the void that runs in my life

Without you.

May be one day you will come back

Or may be i shall forget you forever.

Either of which am unsure.

But maybe one day……..

It shall all pass.
Cheers to life

Airboy89
 

 

Dancing with darkness

As the stage was set with

a million light and one spot light

the heart started its walk towards

the locked doors of the past and knocks;

the mind begs for mercy not to

open the door, the soul laughs at both.

In the end the heart won and the door opens

the walk turns into a ballad between

reality and dreams.

The eyes sprinkles water on the occasion,

the souls gives a shout out so

loud that all go deaf expect oneself..

Darkness looks so pretty amidst all this

chaos.

There is just rage warming the cold heart.

There is guilt, there is pain

there is countless prayers to the unseen.

And then comes out the devil

calling out for a dance.

As the soul lends out the hand,

both dance in the darkness

shouldering one and another.

There was no harm from darkness

as society warned, the perception

towards darkness changed the day

light gave up on him

and darkness was the only ally who stood by.

alcohol is the drink which can

partly drench his thirst and sooth .

Her smile though was more intoxicating than alcohol itself,

so strong that even years after she left

it was still etched in his heart and soul till date.

Every tear that is shed out

is in remembrance of the time spent together

it is the only thing left in life for she was no longer there.

trying to find her amidst every crowd,

created anxiety and thus he secluded himself

from society.

Trying to find her knowing it will

hurt him, all he wanted was to just see her

from distance at least, cause all he wanted

was to know if she is doing well

cause she was the princess he once fought battles along side with.

She was a majestic being

she was humble at one point in life

and all that was etched onto his soul

that what ever was the betrayal he encountered

from her was perceived as  an act of necessity.

There he stood dancing with the darkness

as all these thoughts haunting inside and outside

was that smile and careless outlook

as if nothing really happened to the bruised soul

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

There is no inspiration…

There is no inspiration

for the soul lost to be found.

For the journey ,onto

the path to be found, itself

is an inspiration in itself.

When the pain, the anger, the frustration

just add up to “Inspiration”, it is subtle.

The existence of oneself is questioned.

The answers do not show up clear

the confusions dances and

the frustration just sings the loudest music.

This is an existential question

that flutters inside

slowly killing the living

as they push thru life.

 

Footstep

As the sound of footsteps

were no longer heard,

the giggles vanished

the cute shouting

went numb.

The ride along the

road turned into

a lonely trip.

She was there same time not there.

She became Schrödinger’s cat

live example.

She took it all away

the smile, the happiness,

the very essence that

kept him alive.

She thought of it as a Yiddish

act what she did.

But she did not know

that, that was what

he liked it in her

cause she made him feel like

a kid without being ashamed of it.

She outgrew it while he was

dragged into that state of innocence.

Hands were clapped together to

every imaginary being

for mercy for a miracle.

The hands which never knelt before anyone

came down n fell onto her

feet. But

he was immature for her now…

He cried a river and oceans for her

but she had built a dam

to obstruct those from reaching her.

The soul which was once alive

died, it died a death that it

wished not even

worst of his enemies should get.

Silent cry for peace was witnessed by the 4 walls

and the darkness of his room.

Madness was the only way out.

From a one faced man,

he turned himself into a two-faced person.

A smiling Buddha in the morning

and a fire-breathing dragon at night.

Death was the only wish he wished upon

the shooting stars.

his heart ached for the pieces of memories,

the arms longed for that last hug

cheeks wished for that one small kiss

heart prayed for that warmth she bestowed upon him.

From a depend less

person he had become

a dependent of a soul who left him in

the pit of fire.

Pages of poems, heaps of unsaid words

in form of letters all just to himself

meant for her.

For fate, life, destiny all

played one of the most cruelest joke

from transforming a beast into a

human and later let him rot in

the agony of memories.

Heart was broken, mind was

shattered, soul damaged.

He lost himself, searching for her.

In the streets, in the buses in the trains,

in the garden, all but in vain

for it was all gone she

was in the arms of another man.

All he could do was ponder as to

what he did wrong,

what was it that he fell short of.

As he heard her name his eyes

would glow with a hope that she is

around.

He would search the crowd with

a hope that she may be around

only to realize she is present in his

heart and soul.

Anger and sadness walked inside

while smile danced outside.

People disturbed his soul,

whilst solitude rejuvenated.

All that was left was memoirs of the

glory past where she walked beside him

now all that was left was a damaged armor

with a sword on his back

passing through the heart

as a mark of the LOVE that

once tamed the savage beast.

Words wanted to come out

but couldn’t speak out

for the senses also cheated .

Hope was lost, dreams were crushed.

Happiness was destroyed.

A mini-universe within

collapsed onto destruction.

All the alcohol in the world

all the smiles in the universe

could not relieve him

of the fire burning inside..

The flame burns till now

hoping for her return

destroying him inch by inch.

Somedays he wants to destroy

the world

somedays he just wants to see the world

burn down by itself.

Somedays he wants to hunt down the wolves

somedays he becomes the wolf.

Some days he is at a paradox with himself

and some days he is at peace.

And that my friend is the reality

the bruises that love leaves behind

when love leaves………

That is the state of the heartbroken

who fight the demons which they

help create…

pain is a daily

routine when one tries

to express in words they just go

numb…. for some pain

are felt and not expressed

for some emotions are cruel

beyond …

 

 

 

 

hop hope

Hope

 

There is hope they said,

But how do you explain

when you do not wanna

hope,

for hope is what bought

sadness and the bitterness.

Hope for the best,

all suggested

How do you explain them

that the hope for best

made him the worst.

They said have hope

don be bitter,

how do you explain

you have lost hope

for hope was the reason

for expectations

which lead to disappointment……

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

emotions of a fool

Tears dry up and thoughts just flow along with; for emotions are what makes us human, Without it we would be barbarians with nothing just destruction around us. But once in a blue there comes a times when a monster can teach us what is love, a warlord to preach peace. Also there comes a time when we have to believe in our self than in anyone else period.

The small things which we may feel is too small for significance may be a great deal for others, so do not stop doing those small things may it be sending a good morning message to afriend or smiling to every person whom we meet or pass by.

Life is short, long i don’t know its purely upon one’s perception.

We fall in love believing it will last till the end of life then suddenly you lose it, And few move on few await for lost love to return, Few mend their broken heart while few do not allow anyone near to it and the heart bleed out like slow death.

ah let me explain the pain of the last type of people its somewhat equivalent to suicide, its a very harsh road one pays for the other ones betrayal… So does the person deserve the pain well it depends situation to situation. Lets take a perfect example of a good guy who got cheated then fuck no, he fucking does not deserve it….

He awaits that one day she will come back which is foolish and he knows it yet he believes that true love has the power to do so, he forgets logic and starts believing in magic in terms of love.

He is a fool and he knows it yet he ready to be a fool just for that one person…

Life is a bitch many times huh it gives the wrong people much more than they deserve while the deserving person just breaks into pieces. And society does not bother for the world is blind to reality and accepts the falseness and does not care bout ethics principle or honour.

All are born with honour but few of them lose it, honour is not granted nor earned its there you either save it or lose it….:)

I too had a heart…

I-hate-getting-flashbacks-from-things-I-dont-want-to-remember-quotes-about-depression

“You mean nothing to me now, i have found someone better who understands me better than you”, last lines when i saw my love for the last time. I was shocked in awe because for almost 6 years she said I am the best guy who understands her and makes her feel special. Then out of blue when i ask for her hand in marriage with her family she suddenly realizes am not worth it.

After giving up on everything i fought for I get thrown out like I am some use and throw cup.

So when people ask me what happened to me that i have turned bitter and sad, i say “I too had a heart once, which was broken beyond repair”.

Funny after almost a year of breakup i still remember all the good and bad things and emphasize on the good things. She still haunts me in my dream making my day impossible to wake up.

So how do people live like that by breaking others and yet living happily without even the slightest guilt for ruining someone else. Waav, i mean i would love to be that person someday where peoples feeling mean nothing to me and be selfish.

Over the years i learnt that i was  misfit in the society mainly cause i had my doubts on god, i was pro uniform civil code for all. For a while i was lonely bout it but then she made me realize that its ok since not all feel the way you feels so be happy proud that you are one of a kind. And end of the day she left me for the same reason oh the irony….

My friends call me crazy cause i still love her and wait for her. Knowing that is highly unlikely that she will return for when i was rotting in my own pool of depression she went ahead in life and settled in life when i just left a settled life and fell into pit. I do not look for pity or sympathy all i look for is where is humanity..???

The journey has been a bad one i lost all my savings changed job 3 times in a span of one year.

Again am back in UAE looking for a job with a hope that i can land one having no godfather, and with a crazy crazy wish that if i get a job here i can see her some day since she also works here.

Love can make a person do crazy stuff i had heard now i realize it is true.

Taken with Lumia Selfie
Taken with Lumia Selfie

The journey of my life was not a simple one had to swim against the current searching for truth in every aspect of life. Been called out names and made fun for all of it.

But what people do not understand is everyone is different. IF we cannot help someone we definitely should not make fun of them.

Death is what i wait in hope of this pain ending somehow but too scared for suicide since the image of my grandma and parents flaunts right infront of me.

Its tough living like this but everyday i wake my self saying i need to live i need to reach my goals and keep family happy despite having a broken heart which they do not know about.

I find comfort by writing out the pain in this blog and try to get comfort knowing that i said it out loud. Creepy it may seem or what so ever.

Attachment was always my problem and despite knowing it i got attached to few people, took all the insults and back stabbing. Funny sometimes i feel disgusted bout my self that i am a fool in a materialistic world. But then i remember her words that its all worth being different. funny how someone who hurt you so much can still help you fight on everyday.

Recently i had a luck of chatting with her and she said i still havent changed still the same old person and that i would be stepped on by the cruel world and that i need to forget her and move on. at that moment i didnt knew what to tell her except a ok…hahha then i sat thinking on what she said. But my heart was not ready to forget her for it had a tie with my brain regarding ;loyalty. So here i am still in love with the one who broke me down and yet havent learnt my lesson and still wait for her. When i said i have a blog and she can read it to know what is happening to me she just said i don not care for i am happy with my boy friend who loves me and understands me better when she said that a tear just dropped and this picture started in my head when she was alone i stood by her, when she was scared i was with her when she was sad i shared my shoulder for her to lean on, And now she feels am not worth it.. Funny how people can step on you specially the ones whom you thought wouldnt hurt you.

Life sucks right now am jobless, but the urge to fulfil my mom’s dream is just stuck in my head along with other things. When i left my home country i promised her that this time i will get a job and not quit it atleast for a year and will buy a fancy house and car for everytime when we used to go to family functions relatives used to make fun of us since we were not rich my parents were most humble people. And one day my mom just told it on my face saying we have to show people son that we too can have fancy stuff atleast once not that we should show off but we need to bring people back on their feet so get settled soon and i ended up saying yes.

So messy yet i wanna make it perfect somehow keeping aside the pain of my own cause its family and for 6 years i was with my girl i ignored them and in the end they were the ones who helped me to come back here.

It may seem simple people, but depression is a huge burden so when you see someone when you go out give them a smile, talk casually you never know how that can change the persons mood same time help you relieve your sadness too.

Life is a battle we know it but we chose to ignore and sugar it well thats why i am here to bring back reality to reality….

Cheers to life

Airboy89