The little dream

As the weekend inches by, sitting beside the window seat at work seeing the cars rush towards their destination to avoid the weekend rush. A sudden thought strikes like a lightening and brings back an old memory, once a dream and still remains the same.

 

She strikes again, her voice echoes inside the head silently like a feeble haunting voice, give a sudden jerk and a ache to the heart, as i try to snap out of it she already made contact with my heart and could feel the ache slowing raising and the eyes getting ready to get moist.

But unable to shed that tear the fist just goes to get in contact with a wall with a force, people around think that some one client or manager must have spoilt my evening.

What do they know no amount of work pressure can break me for it is the same work pressure which keeps me occupied from thinking of my lost angel.

Days, months and years have passed without her but not a day gone by without she passing my mind.

Why is it that the heart longs for the one who broke it in the first place. Why does the the heart not apply the logic which the mind is good at when it comes to all the other things and people in the world. Why  is that common sense takes a hind seat when it is about her. Is it stupidity or is it insanity or is it weakness, call what you may, but it exists just as there exists the sun the moon.

Some people over come it some people hide it. Everytime the promises i made reminds me how much i loved her and how much more i would give. But now all of it is just a dream cause all that love that affection is stacked up within rotting inside waiting for a miracle every dream which comes of her gives the chills beyond comprehension.

She is now like the dodo bird in life she existed once but now extinct or may be evolved and not in my life and in a different universe. But this heart its not ready to forget you and gives the shocker no matter awake or asleep.

She was a dream then and even now she remains but what happened inbetween the mind tries to figure out if it was a illusion or was it real, but in vain cause it usually ends with a mental breakdown and a anger towards oneself, for the reason for her departure away from me is unknown and till date the hunt is on to find one solid reason to finally let it go or may be thats also a little dream…..

Just remembered you again as always and you grow stronger  inside everyday… where ever you are with whom ever you are just know that you are still remembered by me everyday …. stupid

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

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It shall all pass…

Sometimes I wish could freeze
time, so I could relive

the moment you lied to me

that you love me.

for the moment is still etched

in my heart and mind

replaying at the depths of my soul in the dark nights

and the brightest day, in the busiest instant of time

to the time I am free as a hawk in the sky.

Wishing and trying to figure out

what made you go rogue on our love

and kill it in the most gruesomest

way possible, damaging me to an extent

that even my best friend could repair,

nor could the hundreds of God could

give redemption from.

In the corners of the road, amongst the thousands

my eyes still searches for you in the real

world as well as the virtual world.

Hoping and dreaming just for a glance

of your beautiful smile

which once brought me to my knees.

Every day I decide to let go, but letting go itself lets go

of my decision.

You were always the damsel who made

me put on my best battle suit to fight on.

And till today I do fight, before it was to win you

now to let you go.

Your love was all that kept me humble and kind

and till date it sure does.

For whenever there is a happy moment it makes

Me doubt the instance .

You were the flower that bloomed

In my desert heart.

Unknowingly things went haywire

Paradise was just burnt to the ground

And u danced amidst the ashes.

The artistic approach to literature

Turned into a monologue of trying

To forget and forgive you.

For you see; words merely try to speak

Out my heart n soul.

You were the chaos I was once

Happy to be with now

All am left with is just the chaos

Which you left me with.

How do I tell that

You still cross my mind

That i still to long to hold your

Hands n walk through rest of

Our life.

You are there yet not there

So is the void that runs in my life

Without you.

May be one day you will come back

Or may be i shall forget you forever.

Either of which am unsure.

But maybe one day……..

It shall all pass.
Cheers to life

Airboy89
 

 

Dancing with darkness

As the stage was set with

a million light and one spot light

the heart started its walk towards

the locked doors of the past and knocks;

the mind begs for mercy not to

open the door, the soul laughs at both.

In the end the heart won and the door opens

the walk turns into a ballad between

reality and dreams.

The eyes sprinkles water on the occasion,

the souls gives a shout out so

loud that all go deaf expect oneself..

Darkness looks so pretty amidst all this

chaos.

There is just rage warming the cold heart.

There is guilt, there is pain

there is countless prayers to the unseen.

And then comes out the devil

calling out for a dance.

As the soul lends out the hand,

both dance in the darkness

shouldering one and another.

There was no harm from darkness

as society warned, the perception

towards darkness changed the day

light gave up on him

and darkness was the only ally who stood by.

alcohol is the drink which can

partly drench his thirst and sooth .

Her smile though was more intoxicating than alcohol itself,

so strong that even years after she left

it was still etched in his heart and soul till date.

Every tear that is shed out

is in remembrance of the time spent together

it is the only thing left in life for she was no longer there.

trying to find her amidst every crowd,

created anxiety and thus he secluded himself

from society.

Trying to find her knowing it will

hurt him, all he wanted was to just see her

from distance at least, cause all he wanted

was to know if she is doing well

cause she was the princess he once fought battles along side with.

She was a majestic being

she was humble at one point in life

and all that was etched onto his soul

that what ever was the betrayal he encountered

from her was perceived as  an act of necessity.

There he stood dancing with the darkness

as all these thoughts haunting inside and outside

was that smile and careless outlook

as if nothing really happened to the bruised soul

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

There is no inspiration…

There is no inspiration

for the soul lost to be found.

For the journey ,onto

the path to be found, itself

is an inspiration in itself.

When the pain, the anger, the frustration

just add up to “Inspiration”, it is subtle.

The existence of oneself is questioned.

The answers do not show up clear

the confusions dances and

the frustration just sings the loudest music.

This is an existential question

that flutters inside

slowly killing the living

as they push thru life.

 

Footstep

As the sound of footsteps

were no longer heard,

the giggles vanished

the cute shouting

went numb.

The ride along the

road turned into

a lonely trip.

She was there same time not there.

She became Schrödinger’s cat

live example.

She took it all away

the smile, the happiness,

the very essence that

kept him alive.

She thought of it as a Yiddish

act what she did.

But she did not know

that, that was what

he liked it in her

cause she made him feel like

a kid without being ashamed of it.

She outgrew it while he was

dragged into that state of innocence.

Hands were clapped together to

every imaginary being

for mercy for a miracle.

The hands which never knelt before anyone

came down n fell onto her

feet. But

he was immature for her now…

He cried a river and oceans for her

but she had built a dam

to obstruct those from reaching her.

The soul which was once alive

died, it died a death that it

wished not even

worst of his enemies should get.

Silent cry for peace was witnessed by the 4 walls

and the darkness of his room.

Madness was the only way out.

From a one faced man,

he turned himself into a two-faced person.

A smiling Buddha in the morning

and a fire-breathing dragon at night.

Death was the only wish he wished upon

the shooting stars.

his heart ached for the pieces of memories,

the arms longed for that last hug

cheeks wished for that one small kiss

heart prayed for that warmth she bestowed upon him.

From a depend less

person he had become

a dependent of a soul who left him in

the pit of fire.

Pages of poems, heaps of unsaid words

in form of letters all just to himself

meant for her.

For fate, life, destiny all

played one of the most cruelest joke

from transforming a beast into a

human and later let him rot in

the agony of memories.

Heart was broken, mind was

shattered, soul damaged.

He lost himself, searching for her.

In the streets, in the buses in the trains,

in the garden, all but in vain

for it was all gone she

was in the arms of another man.

All he could do was ponder as to

what he did wrong,

what was it that he fell short of.

As he heard her name his eyes

would glow with a hope that she is

around.

He would search the crowd with

a hope that she may be around

only to realize she is present in his

heart and soul.

Anger and sadness walked inside

while smile danced outside.

People disturbed his soul,

whilst solitude rejuvenated.

All that was left was memoirs of the

glory past where she walked beside him

now all that was left was a damaged armor

with a sword on his back

passing through the heart

as a mark of the LOVE that

once tamed the savage beast.

Words wanted to come out

but couldn’t speak out

for the senses also cheated .

Hope was lost, dreams were crushed.

Happiness was destroyed.

A mini-universe within

collapsed onto destruction.

All the alcohol in the world

all the smiles in the universe

could not relieve him

of the fire burning inside..

The flame burns till now

hoping for her return

destroying him inch by inch.

Somedays he wants to destroy

the world

somedays he just wants to see the world

burn down by itself.

Somedays he wants to hunt down the wolves

somedays he becomes the wolf.

Some days he is at a paradox with himself

and some days he is at peace.

And that my friend is the reality

the bruises that love leaves behind

when love leaves………

That is the state of the heartbroken

who fight the demons which they

help create…

pain is a daily

routine when one tries

to express in words they just go

numb…. for some pain

are felt and not expressed

for some emotions are cruel

beyond …

 

 

 

 

hop hope

Hope

 

There is hope they said,

But how do you explain

when you do not wanna

hope,

for hope is what bought

sadness and the bitterness.

Hope for the best,

all suggested

How do you explain them

that the hope for best

made him the worst.

They said have hope

don be bitter,

how do you explain

you have lost hope

for hope was the reason

for expectations

which lead to disappointment……

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

emotions of a fool

Tears dry up and thoughts just flow along with; for emotions are what makes us human, Without it we would be barbarians with nothing just destruction around us. But once in a blue there comes a times when a monster can teach us what is love, a warlord to preach peace. Also there comes a time when we have to believe in our self than in anyone else period.

The small things which we may feel is too small for significance may be a great deal for others, so do not stop doing those small things may it be sending a good morning message to afriend or smiling to every person whom we meet or pass by.

Life is short, long i don’t know its purely upon one’s perception.

We fall in love believing it will last till the end of life then suddenly you lose it, And few move on few await for lost love to return, Few mend their broken heart while few do not allow anyone near to it and the heart bleed out like slow death.

ah let me explain the pain of the last type of people its somewhat equivalent to suicide, its a very harsh road one pays for the other ones betrayal… So does the person deserve the pain well it depends situation to situation. Lets take a perfect example of a good guy who got cheated then fuck no, he fucking does not deserve it….

He awaits that one day she will come back which is foolish and he knows it yet he believes that true love has the power to do so, he forgets logic and starts believing in magic in terms of love.

He is a fool and he knows it yet he ready to be a fool just for that one person…

Life is a bitch many times huh it gives the wrong people much more than they deserve while the deserving person just breaks into pieces. And society does not bother for the world is blind to reality and accepts the falseness and does not care bout ethics principle or honour.

All are born with honour but few of them lose it, honour is not granted nor earned its there you either save it or lose it….:)