In the dark nights…

It’s in the darkness of the night,

My demons come out to play.

They sing a song of death

Yet not kill ,

It’s sings the story of the by gone days.

It’s makes me shed the tears

Which I promised never to shed.

It reminds me of the times we spent together

And pushes me to go in search of you.

It’s show the images of our vivid moments

And taunts that you were never mine to begin with.

It tells me dance to its song 

Till I shut them up they sing the 

Lines of the empty promises you made,

They chant the I Love You in your voice.

They haunt me, taunt me and say

That you brought them inside me.

I fight to prove them wrong 

Till I slither away to sleep.

And the demons says another day we shall fight it in the dark nights……

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The last poem I will write for you..! Probably

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Oh beautiful ! You were the brightest star in
the dark sky called life,
Let me for once shed out the pain; fully
I had been a fool to believe that forever meant an eternity.
but same time i realized forever does exists but in pain.
baby remember those escapades
those mini trips out of town
just to escape the eyes of society.
Oh baby those kisses those
promises, those mini date,
those days of struggle do you remember
for we had to hide for religion was the culprit
Baby do you remember those fights
where we fought like bunch of kids
yet made up after a while
Do you remember the tears we shed
when we were hurt by each others action.
Darling do you remember how we visited
temples, churches and prayed that
our parents agree for our wedding.
baby remember those days when we had no money
yet we lived like royals in each others company
remember those struggles.
remember the times you stood by me
and said until death do us apart we shall
be together.
remember the times we spent hours together
holding each others hand and getting lost
in our own world
talking gibberish letting imagination run wild.
Remember those funny days when we planned
who will be our daughters protector.
How shall i tell the things that i remember for
you have forgotten my existence.
How shall i express my sadness when words merely
touch the top layer of it all.
How shall i tell you that
every night is a battle of mind and heart.
How shall i tell you that i cannot be normal ever again.
How do I tell you i can never go back home
for your memories haunt me in those roads, those parks,
those hills those rivers. How shall i explain
you that i still haven’t moved on.
munchkin how do i tell you ,
how i miss you everyday,
how shall i tell you that i forgive you,
How do i plead with you to come back.
How do i tell you my soul
is empty without you.
Darling how do i forget you when
everything i do reminds me of you.
When the river of alcohol also
does not help.
How do i tell you I miss you
how do i show you my life’s incompleteness
How do i tell you i am a changed person now.
How do i tell you that Hope left me, how do i tell you
faith kicked me, how do i tell you
that memories is all that is with me
How do  i tell that I no longer have the strength
to smile, how do i beg, how do i plead, how do i pray
for your return baby.
How do i tell myself that i need to forget you.
How, how baby how, When i still love you
How do i forget you  when all i ever want is
to be with you..
How do i tell you that this is
the last poem I will write for you..!
Probably!
Cheers to life
AIRBOY89

Pensive about the one who is still remembered everyday

Giggle

Giggle

She used to giggle as i say something stupid.

not to offend him but to just smile and see him smile back.

She had the key to his happiness,

and he gave that key to her

for he thought forever meant forever.

But only to realize forever was a lie.

her giggle still resonates in his head.

not letting him sleep,

but this time it mocks him,

it haunts him,

for she held the key

and she took off with the key and his happiness.

He deemed it will fade away as he lied

to his friends and family saying he is over her.

But to his horror it never did.

Life was cruel in the first place

she just gave him heaven for a while and

turned that into a purgatory in his mind.

She left but left her imprints on his heart and mind.

Thus started a civil war within him

of trying to forgetting her and not being able to.

One giggle, one giggle started it all….

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

When god was busy..

I will be there for you, when you need me just cry out to me, i will help you…

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A part of the job description for post of GOD..

i used to believe in it until a few years back even though my prayers were unanswered still kept faith that may be it was a test of sort. But then slowly i realized I was fooling myself for there was no divine being who looks at the good and the evil. It is a hoax created a very good sales technique.

Funny though 24 years of my life was spent on believing that there is an invisible man up in the sky who looks at me for every action or thought i do or commit. Then came a point in my life where i was hitting rock bottom and i went on my knees and pleaded literally cried like a baby asked for help went to temples ran crazy and result ..nothing i hit the rock bottom of my life and still struggle to get back up yet doing it slowly.

So to all my believers ah as far i know i am no saint same time neither a devil. I did my mistakes and wrong doings which any normal human would do. But yes i can cross my heart and say that i lead a decent and faithful life and still i am. But when i really wanted help the invisible man did not help.

people gave hundred of reasons saying it’s because god has a plan, its cause he is testing you etc. went into depression tried killing my self. Waav some good fucking plan…hahah

then i made up my mind there is no point in seeking this invisible person instead i started slowly step by step building my self i know it’s a long way to go but am happy that i am  doing it on my own, lost few friends since i started hating invisible man.

Out of all these only thing which hurt me was one simple fact i followed in footsteps of my dad who is a religious person prayed 2 times a day helped deserving people. What did i get i was stuck in an unknown country  struggling to get a job later quit the job due to some reason then spent 2 more months searching job. Spent night without food cause i had shortage of money. Got laughed and mocked at. So should i still believe that there is a good god above..?; well fuck no fucking no way…

I say it with anger and pain in me that i was duped for 24 years of my life that god is there and he looks upon us. But as per my experience there aint crap. I cried at nights pleading begging like a child. And nothing and i realized there is no god. Even if there was what the fuck was he busy with that he could not hear the cry and prayer .

When i started thinking rationally i realized it all hoax. people are just dumb to believe in godma…

I say it now out loud there is no god no savior it is just us we need to save our self and be glad that it was us and us only.

If there exists a god and i get a chance to see that sadist egomaniac he would have to pray for mercy and apology from me.

Any one who says otherwise here is my middle finger saluting your intellect.

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All i expected was a simple life not a showy one i did not ask for castles nor loads of wealth.

whenever people tell me god is there , i say if there exists such a divine being why did he take away all what i loved, cheat me haunt me .. well no fucking reason apparently

When god was busy, listening to praise’s from his followers;

when god was busy forgiving the unforgivable

millions died of hunger, thousands died in agony

When god was busy with his divine plan

thousands died awaiting help believing in him….

God u have no place in life mainly cause you are figment of imagination of many and you have no forgiveness from my end if you do exist.

Cheers to life

Airboy89

You heard me…………..

You all heard me crib about a being, about the invisible man and most of the things. Well out of all one of them contacted me…

Well am Speechless rather wordless..:D

Well even though it was kinda rude and insulting conversation it was a happy one

That’s all i can explain i mean literally fell into pool of tears cause she messaged and asked how am i

To get that i mean i know it sounds silly to many but for me its a bg thing. I mean after writing so much bout her hoping that she would read and get back to me atleast to talk and achieving it is a big thing for me.

Funny how one person can change everything for you even when they no longer in ones life.

Huh even though it started off with sarcasm finally got to see her face how she is via DP. It was like finding oasis in desert..:D

I do not have words to explain but ah she is happy without me and that just adds to the joy…

She reached heights in career and ah good for her even though it made me feel down saying may be i couldnt help her still she made it to the top and at a very young.. well best of luck DAF……

Love you even now…

I do not have words to explain so here is a virtually hug ..:D be happy always and keep growing

Flying back

The time has come again to fly back to a distant country in search of a career ,mainly money ..:P After almost 4 months break heading back to UAE in search of a job putting behind all that is going on in life. Hoping and taking a calculated risk that i will get a job this time.

The previous unsuccessful attempt actually did teach me that sometimes even friends do not come in handy during times of need and it is family who come. Feeling excited, scared, confused altogether.

The past one year has been pretty much tragic but there were few golden moments in them. Lost all my savings but found that my family does not hate as much as i think they do. Got time to grieve over the loss of a relation which i thought would last long.  Saw new places met new people. Altogether even in those dark night i found light.

Realised that sometimes in life money does mean most of the things and it can get you almost everything.

Now heading back to fight back the lost glory to prove to those who insulted me wrong. Feel like the old me is slowly awakening powerfully and this time. Kinda feeling sad that i would have to leave my home country again. Scared that if it does not work out this time am down the drain in terms of money and career.

But the will to succeed and become successful is pushing me to the very edge of life……

Thought of sharing it with you all.

Cheers to life

Airboy89