The little dream

As the weekend inches by, sitting beside the window seat at work seeing the cars rush towards their destination to avoid the weekend rush. A sudden thought strikes like a lightening and brings back an old memory, once a dream and still remains the same.

 

She strikes again, her voice echoes inside the head silently like a feeble haunting voice, give a sudden jerk and a ache to the heart, as i try to snap out of it she already made contact with my heart and could feel the ache slowing raising and the eyes getting ready to get moist.

But unable to shed that tear the fist just goes to get in contact with a wall with a force, people around think that some one client or manager must have spoilt my evening.

What do they know no amount of work pressure can break me for it is the same work pressure which keeps me occupied from thinking of my lost angel.

Days, months and years have passed without her but not a day gone by without she passing my mind.

Why is it that the heart longs for the one who broke it in the first place. Why does the the heart not apply the logic which the mind is good at when it comes to all the other things and people in the world. Why  is that common sense takes a hind seat when it is about her. Is it stupidity or is it insanity or is it weakness, call what you may, but it exists just as there exists the sun the moon.

Some people over come it some people hide it. Everytime the promises i made reminds me how much i loved her and how much more i would give. But now all of it is just a dream cause all that love that affection is stacked up within rotting inside waiting for a miracle every dream which comes of her gives the chills beyond comprehension.

She is now like the dodo bird in life she existed once but now extinct or may be evolved and not in my life and in a different universe. But this heart its not ready to forget you and gives the shocker no matter awake or asleep.

She was a dream then and even now she remains but what happened inbetween the mind tries to figure out if it was a illusion or was it real, but in vain cause it usually ends with a mental breakdown and a anger towards oneself, for the reason for her departure away from me is unknown and till date the hunt is on to find one solid reason to finally let it go or may be thats also a little dream…..

Just remembered you again as always and you grow stronger  inside everyday… where ever you are with whom ever you are just know that you are still remembered by me everyday …. stupid

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

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The Tantrum

Ignorance is a bliss for those;

who do not have to deal with the consequence .

For what can be the consequence for the ignorance ?

Is it downfall, is it a heartache or is it a forever etched in

the dusty chambers of the soul.

Or is it just a blissful state of mind where

the present is unaffected by the past.

Is it the confusion that circles around like

soul vultures in the darkness of the night.

can it be the conscience trying to show

a pit which is smaller yet showcasing it

as a deep hell hole.

It is different things to different people.

For some life is a camera so they keep smiling forever,

for few it is a battle field they fight with aggression.

It is all but a beautiful melodrama

consistent and evident wrapped gracefully

with one thing “perception”.

 

Airboy89

 

 

 

 

 

Empire of anger

The kingdom of happiness

was destroyed by betrayal,

the guardian of peace

was left hammered and squandered.

All was felt lost, a river of tears

flowed like a flood.

amidst all the chaos

an empire was slowly being built;

anger was the general, rage were the soldiers

tears were the fuel for energy.

Distances were covered, oceans were crossed

reason took a back seat as the urge to win

was full speed ahead.

Pride was hurt, truth was denied,

loyalty was shattered.

death stood aside and laughed at

the struggle .

God disappeared, the devil appeared and stood by.

Pain became strength, solitude became an attitude.

memories became a lesson.

sorrow became sword of destruction.

finally a villian was born amongst hero’s

and irony was he was the fallen and

an angel was the one who threw him off.

thus an empire of anger was built

with blood sweat tears n words…….

 

cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

Ye olde Heart…

As the moon rises in the dark sky

so does the tide of emotions which starts

hitting the shores of the heart

corroding the stones that guard

the brain from these emotional

turmoil.

The strong cringe to the pain

of sorrow begins.

The smiling face suddenly puts on a battle gear

for a battle worst than ever.

Morning light seems forever to come,

as the battle rages into the late night.

tears couldn’t bandage the damage

regret could not ease the pain

anger couldn’t bring back the happiness

prayers couldn’t change the reality.

Gallons of spirit,wouldn’t lift

his spirit.

Density of smoke couldn’t warm

the coldness that had frozen the heart

no amount of running could help

reach the destiny that the heart desired.

Then arose the monster, for

the battle continues for ye olde heart to really

become ye olde heart….

cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

The darkness

WP_20150830_20_36_28_Pro[1]They all met regularly

to decide the important decisions of life.

Society termed them as evil, dark ,satanic.

But it never bothered them to an extent.

Their beauty was something dark

and only the misfits, the Gothic,

the poets saw the beauty behind the beast.

For what was a social outcast had

found sanctum under this place.

It was a insanely sane place to be.

There were no one who would judge

There were no one who would be afraid.

They all took shelter in this place

called the mind

of a smiling person.

And that’s where they were deemed as thoughts

and no one could see them, since the

smiling face would cover for them

as they debated on the hypocrisy of society

on the misdeeds of the misdemeanors.

It was subtly a place were good was being

turned into bad  slowly yet powerfully.

And he realized that sanity

of the mind depends on the depth of

the thoughts, so he gave

asylum to the darkness….which he was once afraid.

 

 

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Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

Writing after a very long time, thanks to my friend Ambika for the cheers (https://ambikarani.wordpress.com/)

 

 

 

The celebrated day

As the last sip of scotch gulps down i just remembered its Christmas and remembered what it means to me not the festivity not the lights nor the family time nor the story.. It just reminded me of us. Even though its now me and YOU. It would have been almost 8 yrs today dear You, but then again you are not there but still wanna wish you for being there for almost 6 years through thick and thin. Happy anniversary oh darling…

So just wanna dedicate a small memoir kinda passage/poem to You. This may be the last year i would be writing bout this day , but it shall always be there in my heart and mind dear You.

Hey You, You meant something to me back then

even now you do ,only void in this emotion is

you do not feel same for me.

They said you would not stay;

i fought with all saying you are unlike others.

I told the whole world that you are you

they smiled and said lets see

then the day came when you proved the whole

world true and me false.

I do not mind i was shamed in front of the world

for me You were my world.

I portrayed you to be you only to be

proven wrong that you are one of them.

Not a day goes by that i don remember us

and how you made me smile .

I try hard not to incorporate you

in my daily routine; but you somehow flash by.

I am happy for you, even though you are not with me.

For even though you are not with me a part of you

lives inside me for which i have no regrets.

For i have seen the real you.

your soul i have seen;

i have seen its insecurities

i have sensed its scaredness.

Hell, i have even seen its bad sides.

But none mattered to me back then, now or forever.

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call me a fool or obsessed individual.

To me you meant everything then,even now.

You were the light at the dark period of my life.

You where the rainbow to my sky.

You were the grammar to my sentences.

My own, you became a important person

in a matter of days.

We shared our happiness and sorrow.

Now i share my sorrow alone.

I lost the ability to judge for you judged me as

incapable when you left.

You taught me to be good no matter but,

all i want now is to be bad.

You told me to make contact with others

all i love now is solitude.

Even in solitude i speak to you.

You were you what happened that

you stopped being you.

You stood as a rock as i fell

 

I did not feel bad for you standing still

all i felt bad was you laughing at the damage it caused.

You are like a undocumented novel in my head;

when ever i try to put it into words

i am unable to put you in the best words possible

for you are something special to me even now.

In a game called life you were the game and

you played me well.

All these time i thought i did not play it right

then i realized something, i was just a experiment.

You have given me good memories that the bad ones are out shined by

your good ones.

You were, are and shall be my angel.

Time may cascade in its own speed to the future;

all what will stand still is you and your

presence mentally and emotionally.

You told me to wait those days;

here i am still waiting and now you say

why am i waiting.

You still are that child minded adult

whose smile is powerful as a billion shining stars.

Just remember you, i still await you,

not that i cannot go beyond you nor that am crazy.

Its all just i do not want to for you have given me enuf to

sustain for this lifetime.

Where ever you are oh girl be happy

and try to remember that i remember you everyday.

You may not miss me but i still do.

You are you no matter who tells what you are….

 

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

He will listen to me someday…

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He was an average guy with a very different perception of life, fresh out of college with a burning desire to succeed. He did not care bout what the society thought for he had his own principles based on morality of his conscience, which was clean for he knew what is right and wrong. I known him for past 26 years.

He swam against the tide, he lived his life adjusting with people in the beginning giving a reason that his grandma didnt wanted him being hated by others. So he listened to her and became what “society” wanted him to be, but deep down inside he always wanted to say it was wrong but that old soul was the only control mechanism he had in his life which family knew.

He thought that the world is a good place and that honour, honesty, valor meant something. But soon he was proved wrong when he saw the real world slowly. It made him frustrated for he did not like hiding the truth just for the reason that society will put him down. The concept of god made him angry for he believed how can a god who was supposed to be the care taker of justice and honesty is keeping a shut up, which ultimately led him to thinking which resulted in him firmly believing that god was an imaginary being which almost every human created to support them, to blame when they fail. Along the way there came a person in his life who saw the darkness, the anger in him and said she would show him that world is not that bad as he thought. She thought him that its okay to be different and she will always support him and help him live his life rather than survive. She fueled him in his desire to succeed for stood by him and helped him control his anger. Slowly yet steadily he changed from a hard-headed person to soft person which his grandma had him. So the gal and guy were in love they fought and patched up. Then something bad happened and the gal flew away aboard. She promised him she wouldn’t leave him, his emotions started playing with him and he was unable to concentrate at work or personal life cause he was missing her. He knew he fell into something which will destroy him for he liked being alone but that one gal changed him and finally Murphy’s law kicked in she left him for someone else. HE quit his job at the height of his growth curve and ran behind her to make her understand that it’s not right to cheat . He got insulted and ditched in an unknown country on the first day of arrival by her itself. Still he kept his hopes on her tried to make her understand but the power of money had blinded her from his love.

Even now he travels back memory lane remembering her daily and shed a tear or two for he still cares for her and loves her deeply despite the fact that she broke his confidence or in one word she broke him completely.

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But we do agree at times on a point that he should not talk bout her in his blogs or anywhere for its his pain and the worlds. But then he slips away cause he can’t forget her and just talks bout her

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I tried telling him to forget her to forget everything, and think it as that she used him, but he never listens… But that’s what a heart is meant for right..? but being the brain i try to ,am sure one day he will listen to me; someday….

Image source – Google and personal collection.

Cheers to life

Airboy89