Staring into the Abyss

There was a part of life

where everything seemed

as a happy fairy tale

there was a pinch of sadness,

anger, love, care and everything

nice.

But along the way

the story got a twist,

the whole world

turned upside down

the once presumed miracle

turned out to be a curse.

The smile from the heart

turned into a masquerade

of happiness.

The cry for all of it to end

was in vain

for life had its own plan

not for the betterment

but for the torment.

Memories were not cherished

rather served as a needle

to poke the wound.

Positivism of life

suddenly turned into

an never ending black hole.

The paper also couldn’t

absorb the  enormous

load of pain.

Loads of paper, bottles of ink,

glasses of alcohol, river of tears

nothing could take away

what was snatched away

from life…

All that was left

was just stare into the

abyss awaiting for all of it

to end scared to jump

worried to stand

just stare into the abyss……

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

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Let the heart, ache and the mind ,break.

Let the heart, ache into an unbearable pain.

let the mind, break into a million pieces.

For all the memories , for all the laughs

let it haunt you to a sleepless day and night.

For once you have felt all the pain

shed all the tears that flowed like a river.

let the walls be raised around your heart

let the brain be protected by logic forget the magic.

let all the past experience

be a teacher rather than a  master of future.

Let pain be the motivation

let the million pieces become

bricks to rebuild, rewire, re engineer

yourself into the beast mode.

Unbreakable, unshakable.

Let the beast inside roar

with honor and pride

for the battle it has fought….

so let the heart, ache and the mind ,break……

Cheers to Life

Airboy89

 

 

The last poem I will write for you..! Probably

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Oh beautiful ! You were the brightest star in
the dark sky called life,
Let me for once shed out the pain; fully
I had been a fool to believe that forever meant an eternity.
but same time i realized forever does exists but in pain.
baby remember those escapades
those mini trips out of town
just to escape the eyes of society.
Oh baby those kisses those
promises, those mini date,
those days of struggle do you remember
for we had to hide for religion was the culprit
Baby do you remember those fights
where we fought like bunch of kids
yet made up after a while
Do you remember the tears we shed
when we were hurt by each others action.
Darling do you remember how we visited
temples, churches and prayed that
our parents agree for our wedding.
baby remember those days when we had no money
yet we lived like royals in each others company
remember those struggles.
remember the times you stood by me
and said until death do us apart we shall
be together.
remember the times we spent hours together
holding each others hand and getting lost
in our own world
talking gibberish letting imagination run wild.
Remember those funny days when we planned
who will be our daughters protector.
How shall i tell the things that i remember for
you have forgotten my existence.
How shall i express my sadness when words merely
touch the top layer of it all.
How shall i tell you that
every night is a battle of mind and heart.
How shall i tell you that i cannot be normal ever again.
How do I tell you i can never go back home
for your memories haunt me in those roads, those parks,
those hills those rivers. How shall i explain
you that i still haven’t moved on.
munchkin how do i tell you ,
how i miss you everyday,
how shall i tell you that i forgive you,
How do i plead with you to come back.
How do i tell you my soul
is empty without you.
Darling how do i forget you when
everything i do reminds me of you.
When the river of alcohol also
does not help.
How do i tell you I miss you
how do i show you my life’s incompleteness
How do i tell you i am a changed person now.
How do i tell you that Hope left me, how do i tell you
faith kicked me, how do i tell you
that memories is all that is with me
How do  i tell that I no longer have the strength
to smile, how do i beg, how do i plead, how do i pray
for your return baby.
How do i tell myself that i need to forget you.
How, how baby how, When i still love you
How do i forget you  when all i ever want is
to be with you..
How do i tell you that this is
the last poem I will write for you..!
Probably!
Cheers to life
AIRBOY89

Pensive about the one who is still remembered everyday

Misplaced in the universe

Misplaced

 

As the universe expands

as the distance between us

increases, As one fades away from our memories.

As the countless prayers go unanswered,

We all realize that we are all misplaced

in this world.

Some misplaced in time

some  misplaced in memories.

Some get lost

while some raise from it.

But all in all

Everyone does get misplaced…

A place which we all miss !

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Image Source  – Google.

Cheers to life.

Airboy89

Come find me

Inside the head runs a river

of thoughts and feelings for you

which is blocked by a dam

called “your happiness”

There is a reservoir of memories

of the days we spent together

the purpose of life seems

all lost, not for the world does not make sense

no longer but for,

You were the ocean and i lost my self

in the depths of your innocence and love

now am just a lonely fish,

Hiding in the depths of the ocean

waiting to be found

Death does not scare, but the thought

of leaving behind trauma for the

ones who still care

does scare.

Every night is a futile

storm of wanting to be with you

and trying to forget.

It is in these moments

that even a deadly drink

seems like a possible solution

it is these times that

anger, pain, tears combined

with alcohol makes a deadly combo.

Who am I?, is a question

i ask myself

for i do not know, i only feel the chill.

The coldness of the outside does not affect.

But the regrets inside haunts and burns down

the once peaceful mind.

There seems no hope,

trying to change is just as painful as physical pain

Cause there is no peace inside.

There is just the vast and shallow ocean

as i swim alone waiting

for you to come find me…

or may be just discover the vastness in the state of loudness

of a ever running river if thoughts……

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

No, more ….

dean_winchester_by_lokelany

“I do not need anything from you” so she told

as she walked away crushing everything under her feet.

And after many springs went away,

“I just need one thing, please” she asked

as he was trying to gather everything she  had crushed.

 

His eyes glittered with hope thinking may be

she realized her mistake and would at least say sorry

but all she wanted was to save her heaven

there was no resentment, no guilt nor shame

she bluntly just requested as if nothing happened

saying do not tell the world you knew me or we were together

she wanted him to unknow the known,

he smiled and said yes to her

for he wanted her happy even at the price of his

happiness, his self respect even his

sanity. But it didnt matter to her

for she had created a monster

whom only she could control

she forgot that sometimes even

the monster makes peace within himself

for he also needs his peace.

It was like the old days where she dictated his choice

the difference was back then he loved doing it

now he just does it for he is compelled to his words

which he once promised.

His sanity was not her concern, her reputation was her concern.

Her mistake was shown as his mistake to the world

and when she realized the world is round

she had already created a sainthood for herself

and a living hell for him.

And when both the world almost came close to collide

she comes and says to burn a little more by

keeping the truth hidden.

The truth would destroy her world which she built

on lies and fakeness knowing that

he will never destroy it even if it destroys him.

Such was her trust on him that

she ripped him apart in every aspect

and when he was healing from the wounds

she comes again asking for a favour

and he says ok. For his world was already destroyed

and for he thought atleast let her world

shine at the cost of his.

Funny is the world

it mocks the pain of others and gets pleasure

and yet when they under fire they do come down and

ask can you shed few more to save me..?

Instead of sayin no more..!!!  he said “no, you need more”

as he gave her his last drop of himself which he had kept to himself.

images

 

cheers to life

known unknown….

The highway to somewhere..I guess

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “If You Leave.”

Life is a circus we like some acts and there are few acts which makes us say “WTF dude..!!”. But end of day we have to realize that we are the ones who paid for the ticket and said ” lemme enjoy it …”. But whether we sit through the whole show or not is entirely dependent on us alone. But there are a few of us who look into it in a different way say like we though we paid we do not wanna be there yet we are still there for the sole reason that we will we surrounded by people beside us and we can see we are somewhat better off….

Now getting to the main content of this post ah If you leave…

In one single year i have changed 3 jobs, left my home country and even tried some crazy stuff which i myself wouldn’t believe i did.

The pro of it as i found is there are some really messed up, the con is that’s not an excuse.

Why do i say so is because I got to see how really the world runs how certain values are just mere words for the current generation. I am not that old however the concept speaks for its self for example the word loyalty is just a word which people use for name sake..

The journey of mine began last year around same time, i left my job traveled 3500+ kms to an unknown country with a blind hope that I can correct my relation with my Ex landed in this desert land and joined a job which i did not like quit it after 3 months went back home and joined a job again and quit and now back to this country again. so in a year i had 3 jobs and lost every penny i saved up. Despite the tragic part it did teach me a lesson in life like not all stand by their words, when you have money everyone is there for you, some people are dumber than a freaking piece wood. But despite all these they are a few who stand out amongst all this chaos who still believe   in principles who stand by you thru good and bad. Yea such people do exist they are in minority but still they exist.

What i learnt in this journey of a year is  basically something for which I had shown a shut-eye yet life made me open my eyes and see it even when i didn’t want to see.Love was a game and i was played. Trust was a fancy word which was over taken by money. Loyalty was just a sham only to make me feel happy, honesty was  a really expensive concept cost me my whole life.

Destruction came from the one I loved and trusted. I traveled even when I just wanted to shut up and sit at some isolated place away from humanity.

The world really needs a monster at times to show them the value of a nice person but then again who am i kidding …

I am on the highway life going somewhere.. i guess….

The destination does not bother me the journey does not make me happy all i know is i am travelling and believe that I will reach somewhere.

Walking with memories of someone with a fake smile and a false hope that someday she will be back and with a dream that i shall be happy without her.

But i am grateful to her that i saw the real cruelty in the world masked as being “real”.

It just thought me that its better to be lonely than to be cheated on….

Cheers to life

Airboy89