Footstep

As the sound of footsteps

were no longer heard,

the giggles vanished

the cute shouting

went numb.

The ride along the

road turned into

a lonely trip.

She was there same time not there.

She became Schrödinger’s cat

live example.

She took it all away

the smile, the happiness,

the very essence that

kept him alive.

She thought of it as a Yiddish

act what she did.

But she did not know

that, that was what

he liked it in her

cause she made him feel like

a kid without being ashamed of it.

She outgrew it while he was

dragged into that state of innocence.

Hands were clapped together to

every imaginary being

for mercy for a miracle.

The hands which never knelt before anyone

came down n fell onto her

feet. But

he was immature for her now…

He cried a river and oceans for her

but she had built a dam

to obstruct those from reaching her.

The soul which was once alive

died, it died a death that it

wished not even

worst of his enemies should get.

Silent cry for peace was witnessed by the 4 walls

and the darkness of his room.

Madness was the only way out.

From a one faced man,

he turned himself into a two-faced person.

A smiling Buddha in the morning

and a fire-breathing dragon at night.

Death was the only wish he wished upon

the shooting stars.

his heart ached for the pieces of memories,

the arms longed for that last hug

cheeks wished for that one small kiss

heart prayed for that warmth she bestowed upon him.

From a depend less

person he had become

a dependent of a soul who left him in

the pit of fire.

Pages of poems, heaps of unsaid words

in form of letters all just to himself

meant for her.

For fate, life, destiny all

played one of the most cruelest joke

from transforming a beast into a

human and later let him rot in

the agony of memories.

Heart was broken, mind was

shattered, soul damaged.

He lost himself, searching for her.

In the streets, in the buses in the trains,

in the garden, all but in vain

for it was all gone she

was in the arms of another man.

All he could do was ponder as to

what he did wrong,

what was it that he fell short of.

As he heard her name his eyes

would glow with a hope that she is

around.

He would search the crowd with

a hope that she may be around

only to realize she is present in his

heart and soul.

Anger and sadness walked inside

while smile danced outside.

People disturbed his soul,

whilst solitude rejuvenated.

All that was left was memoirs of the

glory past where she walked beside him

now all that was left was a damaged armor

with a sword on his back

passing through the heart

as a mark of the LOVE that

once tamed the savage beast.

Words wanted to come out

but couldn’t speak out

for the senses also cheated .

Hope was lost, dreams were crushed.

Happiness was destroyed.

A mini-universe within

collapsed onto destruction.

All the alcohol in the world

all the smiles in the universe

could not relieve him

of the fire burning inside..

The flame burns till now

hoping for her return

destroying him inch by inch.

Somedays he wants to destroy

the world

somedays he just wants to see the world

burn down by itself.

Somedays he wants to hunt down the wolves

somedays he becomes the wolf.

Some days he is at a paradox with himself

and some days he is at peace.

And that my friend is the reality

the bruises that love leaves behind

when love leaves………

That is the state of the heartbroken

who fight the demons which they

help create…

pain is a daily

routine when one tries

to express in words they just go

numb…. for some pain

are felt and not expressed

for some emotions are cruel

beyond …

 

 

 

 

No, more ….

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“I do not need anything from you” so she told

as she walked away crushing everything under her feet.

And after many springs went away,

“I just need one thing, please” she asked

as he was trying to gather everything she  had crushed.

 

His eyes glittered with hope thinking may be

she realized her mistake and would at least say sorry

but all she wanted was to save her heaven

there was no resentment, no guilt nor shame

she bluntly just requested as if nothing happened

saying do not tell the world you knew me or we were together

she wanted him to unknow the known,

he smiled and said yes to her

for he wanted her happy even at the price of his

happiness, his self respect even his

sanity. But it didnt matter to her

for she had created a monster

whom only she could control

she forgot that sometimes even

the monster makes peace within himself

for he also needs his peace.

It was like the old days where she dictated his choice

the difference was back then he loved doing it

now he just does it for he is compelled to his words

which he once promised.

His sanity was not her concern, her reputation was her concern.

Her mistake was shown as his mistake to the world

and when she realized the world is round

she had already created a sainthood for herself

and a living hell for him.

And when both the world almost came close to collide

she comes and says to burn a little more by

keeping the truth hidden.

The truth would destroy her world which she built

on lies and fakeness knowing that

he will never destroy it even if it destroys him.

Such was her trust on him that

she ripped him apart in every aspect

and when he was healing from the wounds

she comes again asking for a favour

and he says ok. For his world was already destroyed

and for he thought atleast let her world

shine at the cost of his.

Funny is the world

it mocks the pain of others and gets pleasure

and yet when they under fire they do come down and

ask can you shed few more to save me..?

Instead of sayin no more..!!!  he said “no, you need more”

as he gave her his last drop of himself which he had kept to himself.

images

 

cheers to life

known unknown….

Short posts #3

 

Hope is for the weak , for hope leads to expectations in turn into disappointment, Instead have goals; for it will have plans and target set.


Be loyal , but first be loyal to yourself, to your thoughts to your feelings to your real you; then everything shall fall in its place.


 

She gave him hope, and later gave disappointment.


He played her; and she won the game.


He was loyal to himself to his thoughts to his principle to his feelings;

and so  it was easy for him to be loyal to her.


A blind man searched for the moonlight in a moonless sky for his eye may be blind; but his mind was open and that showed him the galaxies.


truth is like a bitter medicine, we like others to take it when they are sick;

but when we are sick we prefer the antibiotic called lie.


he was fighting his inner demons, then she came along and said let us fight together. He ended up fighting his as well as her demons as she left him with darkness and her demons.


He cried and the world laughed, she cried and the world consoled.

He told the truth ,no one believed; she told a lie and everyone were convinced.


HE said show me proof for your god, they showed a book.

They said prove us u r sane, he showed  his journal.

Both were right in there own way for perception was the culprit.


“Help me god” he shouted at the top of his voice crying out loud as he was dragged into a asylum.

“Help me god”, he shouted looking at the sky with a book in hand and the crowd prayed along with him.

One was termed crazy whilst the other a priest.


Money did not mean anything to her till she was ripped away of everything.


She lied saying she does not remember anything from her past with him.

He lied saying neither does he.

While ego laughed and told the truth saying It won and they both lost.


When she smiled he always smiled back cause it meant something to him.

Now she looks away when ever they see each other but he still smiles

for she still means everything to him.


“You are incapable of taking proper decision in life”, said the girl for whom he once decided to leave everything.


I will stop you for you are the running river and am just the fish in search of the ocean we need each other in a crazy way. That’s the truth.


Cheers to life

Airboy89

Piece of mind…

As I drown my self in thought watching the night sky

I see the billions of stars and  stare which one is you

then I realize there are billions of stars but only one moon

and that can only be you


I say there is no god;

then i look within me and realize

he is there but it’s just in my head

========================================================================

I saw you once and fell for you ,for this lifetime

========================================================================

You won and I lost; You forgot and I still remember

You needed a push which i gave then you forgot to pull me up

and i forgot to get up..

========================================================================

We both made promises; we both kept it up even now

only difference is you are keeping it up with another person

whilst am still being loyal to you

========================================================================

Forgive me for I forgot to forget you .how you forgot me even after promising

me not to forget me ;guess you are forgetful as always and forgot that you told you wont forget..

========================================================================

The world praises for your maturity

whilst I still laugh at the time when you asked me “What is maturity?”

========================================================================

We all are poor in someway

Few by poverty, few by humanity

========================================================================

Cheers to life

Airboy89

We all have an Dr.House within us

“There’s no such thing as dying with dignity. Our bodies break down, sometimes when we’re ninety, sometimes before we’re even born, but it always happens and there’s never any dignity in it. I don’t care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass, it’s always ugly. Always! You can live with dignity, you can’t die with it.”

Life is pain! I wake up every morning, I’m in pain! I go to work in pain! Do you know how many times I wanted to just give up?! How many times I thought about ending it?!

“Everybody lies”

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Few of the many dialogues from House MD series, How a man in pain lives with it mocking the society and its hypocrite ideals same time save lives, His sarcastic come backs will numb any smart ass. So what is it that we can relate to him from our day to day life. Well we all have our pain which we hide in or the other form few of us smile few of us go rogue, few of us act heartless but in the end we all have it. So whats similar to Dr. House; well its the pain. Pain changes people pain makes people get unchained from the society for it is a very haunting experience. We all laugh at things which makes sense or no for we need that heartfelt happiness. What did Dr.House teach us..?? well sometimes even the strongest of people require companionship for in the end we all need someone to go back to no matter how self dependent we are. Dr.House showed us that even in pain we need to survive and by doing what we love the most we can cope up. Is it not same we keep ourself busy to make the pain go away.

He speaks fluently in sarcasm, well at a point we all learn to speak. He enjoys his life despite everything happening. The stupidity of people surprises him and he mocks them and they take it offensively, well am sure few of us can relate to it. And in the he tries to kill himself and later realizes that living is imp than dying which most of people can relate when they tried to die but then realized they can go ahead living and do something better.

Funny how a character in a sitcom can teach us things.  He did the right things even when everyone around him did not agree, he believed in himself rather than the world He broke down when what he loved with all of his pain went afar from him And somehow managed to change himself He tried to get away from the addiction of pain killer and was successful, teaching us that even when in pain we can find happiness without addiction

He showed us the reality of the current society how stupid people can be and when you try to show them they are stupid they go full retard, but if we do not give up they will finally realize it

He taught to fight through every situation and never to give up

He taught that even in loneliness and pain once can be happy by himself, he showed how attachment can hurt us at one point inl ife He showed that just because one acts strong does not mean he deserves the pain

So Dr. Gregory House, the man with a cane and pain showed that life is a bitch but we learn to play with her in the right manner once can come out form any situation. The sarcasm the I don care attitude, one man army kinda move helps you live with it

And we know that deep within us we have our very own Dr.House who lives

Image Source – Google

Cheers to life

Airboy

He will listen to me someday…

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He was an average guy with a very different perception of life, fresh out of college with a burning desire to succeed. He did not care bout what the society thought for he had his own principles based on morality of his conscience, which was clean for he knew what is right and wrong. I known him for past 26 years.

He swam against the tide, he lived his life adjusting with people in the beginning giving a reason that his grandma didnt wanted him being hated by others. So he listened to her and became what “society” wanted him to be, but deep down inside he always wanted to say it was wrong but that old soul was the only control mechanism he had in his life which family knew.

He thought that the world is a good place and that honour, honesty, valor meant something. But soon he was proved wrong when he saw the real world slowly. It made him frustrated for he did not like hiding the truth just for the reason that society will put him down. The concept of god made him angry for he believed how can a god who was supposed to be the care taker of justice and honesty is keeping a shut up, which ultimately led him to thinking which resulted in him firmly believing that god was an imaginary being which almost every human created to support them, to blame when they fail. Along the way there came a person in his life who saw the darkness, the anger in him and said she would show him that world is not that bad as he thought. She thought him that its okay to be different and she will always support him and help him live his life rather than survive. She fueled him in his desire to succeed for stood by him and helped him control his anger. Slowly yet steadily he changed from a hard-headed person to soft person which his grandma had him. So the gal and guy were in love they fought and patched up. Then something bad happened and the gal flew away aboard. She promised him she wouldn’t leave him, his emotions started playing with him and he was unable to concentrate at work or personal life cause he was missing her. He knew he fell into something which will destroy him for he liked being alone but that one gal changed him and finally Murphy’s law kicked in she left him for someone else. HE quit his job at the height of his growth curve and ran behind her to make her understand that it’s not right to cheat . He got insulted and ditched in an unknown country on the first day of arrival by her itself. Still he kept his hopes on her tried to make her understand but the power of money had blinded her from his love.

Even now he travels back memory lane remembering her daily and shed a tear or two for he still cares for her and loves her deeply despite the fact that she broke his confidence or in one word she broke him completely.

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But we do agree at times on a point that he should not talk bout her in his blogs or anywhere for its his pain and the worlds. But then he slips away cause he can’t forget her and just talks bout her

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I tried telling him to forget her to forget everything, and think it as that she used him, but he never listens… But that’s what a heart is meant for right..? but being the brain i try to ,am sure one day he will listen to me; someday….

Image source – Google and personal collection.

Cheers to life

Airboy89

Its been days…

It been a while when I could really smile deep down from my heart, being trying to post from days but mid way I just go blank and feel let me stop. So today somehow got up from bed and started penning down thoughts.

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So here let me give an insight to as to how depression feels like.. In one word its sucks.

Its a beautifully dreadful stage or lifestyle, which one may chose or forced into living it. Despite the urge in one self to make it all end.  Life seems all bad and saddening for life seems worthless. Every night seems like a long dreadful torture and one wishes to die so badly that no amount of feel good thoughts help. Its a miserable stage where everything seems to be against you and you are alone in a crowd for life has no purpose it seems. You get addicted to things like alcohol, loneliness and most of all suicidal thoughts. In the nights you cant sleep and in the mornings you will be tired yet smiling. You feel the burden of world on your shoulder and no matter how hard you try to get over it you feel comfortable being sad. Loneliness becomes your best friend and you await death like a small kid waiting for summer break. Worst of all even death scares you cause one side you wanna die but on the other side your loved ones come infront of your eyes and you feel like why should they suffer for my mistake and you decide to carry the pain the burden yet you wanna die somehow.

Sad part is you get so angry when you think of the right things which later on turned against you for that itself became the source of sadness. And the rambling of people saying do that do this when all you wanna do is just be yourself for crying out loud.

You will start hating everyone and everything you feel like locking yourself in a room away from all the of the world. You wanna sleep it off yet still when you close your eyes the unwanted memories haunt you. And you drink yourself to sleep for you feel by getting high you can lose yourself.

Then there are the taunts of  reality when you see the factor which hurts you right in front of you haunting you saying a millions words in just visual treat. Then you get mood swings you lose track of time and start enjoying isolation when in reality you just wanna talk and talk so one talks to himself his mind and heart. One starts evaluating the small small things and goes into a philosophical trance. One side you wanna become this ruthless heartless person and just go into a life of not giving a shit about anyone.

Life seems all bad and irrelevant you lose the trust in yourself the once strong minded become a weak minded bastard with no hope what so ever.

You feels like its been days since you were happy really as if its been days…..