Dancing with darkness

As the stage was set with

a million light and one spot light

the heart started its walk towards

the locked doors of the past and knocks;

the mind begs for mercy not to

open the door, the soul laughs at both.

In the end the heart won and the door opens

the walk turns into a ballad between

reality and dreams.

The eyes sprinkles water on the occasion,

the souls gives a shout out so

loud that all go deaf expect oneself..

Darkness looks so pretty amidst all this

chaos.

There is just rage warming the cold heart.

There is guilt, there is pain

there is countless prayers to the unseen.

And then comes out the devil

calling out for a dance.

As the soul lends out the hand,

both dance in the darkness

shouldering one and another.

There was no harm from darkness

as society warned, the perception

towards darkness changed the day

light gave up on him

and darkness was the only ally who stood by.

alcohol is the drink which can

partly drench his thirst and sooth .

Her smile though was more intoxicating than alcohol itself,

so strong that even years after she left

it was still etched in his heart and soul till date.

Every tear that is shed out

is in remembrance of the time spent together

it is the only thing left in life for she was no longer there.

trying to find her amidst every crowd,

created anxiety and thus he secluded himself

from society.

Trying to find her knowing it will

hurt him, all he wanted was to just see her

from distance at least, cause all he wanted

was to know if she is doing well

cause she was the princess he once fought battles along side with.

She was a majestic being

she was humble at one point in life

and all that was etched onto his soul

that what ever was the betrayal he encountered

from her was perceived as  an act of necessity.

There he stood dancing with the darkness

as all these thoughts haunting inside and outside

was that smile and careless outlook

as if nothing really happened to the bruised soul

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

Ye olde Heart…

As the moon rises in the dark sky

so does the tide of emotions which starts

hitting the shores of the heart

corroding the stones that guard

the brain from these emotional

turmoil.

The strong cringe to the pain

of sorrow begins.

The smiling face suddenly puts on a battle gear

for a battle worst than ever.

Morning light seems forever to come,

as the battle rages into the late night.

tears couldn’t bandage the damage

regret could not ease the pain

anger couldn’t bring back the happiness

prayers couldn’t change the reality.

Gallons of spirit,wouldn’t lift

his spirit.

Density of smoke couldn’t warm

the coldness that had frozen the heart

no amount of running could help

reach the destiny that the heart desired.

Then arose the monster, for

the battle continues for ye olde heart to really

become ye olde heart….

cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

Well i really wanna talk to her but…..

” Well you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go
Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missing home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go ”

let-her-go-passenger1

The intro chorus of Let her go by passenger, well the song which calms the burning desire in me  to contact the one who broke me.

Just about to leave office in a while and as usual her thoughts came to my mind, then i just remembered today is the day she complete broke all level of compassion, humanity, love a year back.

Its been a year now without her by my side. She left me for good for reasons which i still do not know. But every night when i try to sleep off i get this urge to call her to speak to her to at least mail her and tell her that am sorry for what ever she feels i did wrong. Then i listen to this song and just kill that thought.

Funny thing is she has found a replacement, when i still think of her hoping that one day she will come back. It’s a emotional night today cause since 2 weeks i have been not able to get sleep thinking about her. I thought of writing a mail for her. but my brain said no she is happy without you. She is successful without you and the heart says love is not about status money and all it’s all about the human emotions.

People say i express out loud whatever it is in my life. Sometimes i feel the same; but that’s what life is about right to feel the good the bad and the ugly. Why hide..???

Huh well sometimes when i think about her i remember the child man inside me. The funny moments we shared the smiles and the tears we bared together. And suddenly a rage comes up like i wanting to give everything and anything to get her back then common sense brings me back to reality.

The fall of a tear marks that i will fall off to sleep. I have no grudge for the insults the losses and the emotional damage i incurred. But all i asked was for human decency. May be i am stupid to still wait for her when the world around me is slowly falling apart.

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Then i found this blogging as a way to express out what i feel and want, cause i know someday somehow she may get to see this and may be she will realise that i was not a bad guy and i kept up every promise i made to her. To stay loyal and single if she ever lets me go..

The fear of losing her always haunted me, but she always shooed it away and i trusted without a doubt. I faked to believe a GOD whom i never believed. I stood my ground always except when it was her on the other side.

Every night is a night mare, a parade of tears and depression, but every morning i am supposed to put up the mask of a smile and fake it as if i like it.

My weakness was her, and she got the better of me.

She knows i will not strike against her no matter what.

well i really wanna talk to her but; she has forgotten that i even exist.

She has forgotten that in an attempt to win her back i lost everything back home.

Every penny i saved for our future was spent on trying to see her meet her.

Every dream i see turns into a night mare and the rage against every religion which i had has turned into an incurable anger. The time we spent on the beaches still haunt me that i cannot go to the beaches where we once played. The water, of which i was scared and she took it away has become like my enemy.

I was down in hell but i was fighting it hard and making thru then she came and said why don’t you come up here let me help you and made me soft.

I do not blame her for anything that happened i only pity her for playing with my emotions which she had no clue as to how i trust people.

The fight was never against her, it was always for her she always realised it until money fame and power made her go blind.

Death was never an option; but now at times the thought of it kinda soothes my raging mind.

The 4 horses anger, sadness,depression and old me  try to create a dust storm in my mind trying to gain control.

It’s all just a phase few said but never thought the phase would break me so badly.So many unspoken words wander my mind trying to get it out but the smile and happiness in her face stops me from speaking out. I do not want to be the black dot on her white life.

Well i really wanna talk to her but…..

she is happy without me not knowing am not… 🙂

To the one the only  the one who thought me to smile when smile was my enemy.

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Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

A letter to distant future me….

I never think of the future. It comes soon enough.” – Albert Einstein.

Albert Einstein who said E=MC^2; well the irony is as per the theory of relativity time showed slow down not gain speed with certain conditions….:D Well science aside; i always wondered if the future me will remember the past or the present me. I have a diary and blog as physical evidence so why not write a letter to me by myself. Just a thought though but let me give a try to it.

Hey there ah HK

Ah this is Hk from the past which currently the present…:D confusing i know.

So lets get down to business. Hope you have become that rich guy for which am busting my behind and takes freaking risks as if am  16yr old. Well i think we will make it there i trust you ;i mean me..oh this is so confusing .

So let me put it down in a simple poem sort of way.

Here i stand in confusion for a stable future.

Undergoing the bashing from life still standing tall not for today’s sake;

but for tomorrows sake.

The blood sweat and tears i shed now hope they harvested happiness

Not alone for me but for the ones who stood along side with me.

Hope the ghost of the past are dead and are not haunting you at nights;

for i am trying to exterminate those ghostly thoughts now itself.

Hope you have not fallen behind the walls of foolishness and accepted defeat.

Future me; hope you have not let me down for the struggles i am going thru now.

Hope the challenges are won and the ones who challenged have accepted defeat.

Hope you have given back to those who insulted you and laughed at your worst days.

Future me hope you have kicked some serious butt of those who put you down.

Hope you are still that old principle oriented man for which i am paying the price now.

Dear future hope you made it where i strive to be now.

I do not want to break you by the other topics of heart break.

Just be the man you always dreamt and fought to be

Hope, hope has not left you.

Cheers to life.

Airboy89

The girl who once made me smile……

“We shall not be like others”- This is the exact words of you which haunts me every night from past one year. Its been a year now that you went away from me without giving a proper reason. It always haunted me, and i came up with my own theories which pointed towards me as the culprit. While you partied all night i tried to stay sober and sleep. Sigh.. While i was dying to see you and talk to you, you were busy avoiding me.

I still stay loyal to you despite you letting me go, do not why. I loved you a lot and still do, i was called as a crazy mad guy. I laughed at such words which is just one from the many others tags i got for loving you so much. But i don’t blame you, may be i was not up to your mark or may be i loved too much that i got over confidence that you will not leave me and go. Or may be it was just you who gave up on me….

Every night i struggle to get a decent sleep. You got everything in life while i lost everything i had. Well at least one of us is doing great in life. Am happy for you but to be really honest sometimes i do feel frustrated as to how did you move on while am struggling since one year to forget those wonderful 6 years we spent together.

I do not know whom to trust, i have lost the ability to trust people. I really want you back but do not know how to get you back. I know the old you, the new you is really out of my league. Every night i spend thinking how to contact you, how to tell you how much i still love u and miss u… But then only way i get to express is through tears and unheard prayers to every deity in the universe.

Every day is like swimming in a pond full of poisonous snake. Even the thought of death came across many time in my mind. But then i tell my self “Shut up, there is a lot of responsibility as a son to your parents that you need to take care off “. This may be really depressing to read if you ever read it. Just imagine how hard it must be for me just to write it down while so many memories goes on playing in my mind.

It just hurts to think that i am without you and yet am surprised that i had the strength to somewhat live the pain….

Your thoughts come to me every day for i did not love you for a brief period of time for when i fell in love with you i knew it was for this lifetime. And yet here we are where only one of us is still keeping the promises made……..

Cheers to life

Airboy89

The unsent letters…..#2

Dear past, this is regarding the times i felt it was too good to be true situation.
When i sit beside you watchin the sunset at the beach, the wind blowing n making your hair flutter like the wings of the butterfly and you slowly set it back smiling gracefully and i just think is it really me who is sittin beside you, it makes me feel insecure thinking that damn will i really get to marry this angel.
Huh when i ask you the same you say yes but trust me inside my heart the insecurity is at its peak.
Everyone says that how in the world did a easy going guy like you end up with such a pretty gal like you, and i jus say i feel in love with the person and not the beauty.
Is it too good to be true, huh i never knew i would get to spend time with such a wonderful person. Your smile makes me forget all that am worried bout, its gives me faith hope and strength. Its not too much to tell but you are my strength my weakness for you are my everything. Touch wood its going on well till date hope it remains so forever😃 cause my smile is dependent on your smile and your company😄
The world may deprive me of anything but i wont let it tke away you from me.
The silent waves of ocean the wind the people the sky the world altogether i forget when am beside you and make me think . Dear god is it too good to be true

Cheers to life

Airboy89