The little dream

As the weekend inches by, sitting beside the window seat at work seeing the cars rush towards their destination to avoid the weekend rush. A sudden thought strikes like a lightening and brings back an old memory, once a dream and still remains the same.

 

She strikes again, her voice echoes inside the head silently like a feeble haunting voice, give a sudden jerk and a ache to the heart, as i try to snap out of it she already made contact with my heart and could feel the ache slowing raising and the eyes getting ready to get moist.

But unable to shed that tear the fist just goes to get in contact with a wall with a force, people around think that some one client or manager must have spoilt my evening.

What do they know no amount of work pressure can break me for it is the same work pressure which keeps me occupied from thinking of my lost angel.

Days, months and years have passed without her but not a day gone by without she passing my mind.

Why is it that the heart longs for the one who broke it in the first place. Why does the the heart not apply the logic which the mind is good at when it comes to all the other things and people in the world. Why  is that common sense takes a hind seat when it is about her. Is it stupidity or is it insanity or is it weakness, call what you may, but it exists just as there exists the sun the moon.

Some people over come it some people hide it. Everytime the promises i made reminds me how much i loved her and how much more i would give. But now all of it is just a dream cause all that love that affection is stacked up within rotting inside waiting for a miracle every dream which comes of her gives the chills beyond comprehension.

She is now like the dodo bird in life she existed once but now extinct or may be evolved and not in my life and in a different universe. But this heart its not ready to forget you and gives the shocker no matter awake or asleep.

She was a dream then and even now she remains but what happened inbetween the mind tries to figure out if it was a illusion or was it real, but in vain cause it usually ends with a mental breakdown and a anger towards oneself, for the reason for her departure away from me is unknown and till date the hunt is on to find one solid reason to finally let it go or may be thats also a little dream…..

Just remembered you again as always and you grow stronger  inside everyday… where ever you are with whom ever you are just know that you are still remembered by me everyday …. stupid

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

 

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The Tantrum

Ignorance is a bliss for those;

who do not have to deal with the consequence .

For what can be the consequence for the ignorance ?

Is it downfall, is it a heartache or is it a forever etched in

the dusty chambers of the soul.

Or is it just a blissful state of mind where

the present is unaffected by the past.

Is it the confusion that circles around like

soul vultures in the darkness of the night.

can it be the conscience trying to show

a pit which is smaller yet showcasing it

as a deep hell hole.

It is different things to different people.

For some life is a camera so they keep smiling forever,

for few it is a battle field they fight with aggression.

It is all but a beautiful melodrama

consistent and evident wrapped gracefully

with one thing “perception”.

 

Airboy89

 

 

 

 

 

It shall all pass…

Sometimes I wish could freeze
time, so I could relive

the moment you lied to me

that you love me.

for the moment is still etched

in my heart and mind

replaying at the depths of my soul in the dark nights

and the brightest day, in the busiest instant of time

to the time I am free as a hawk in the sky.

Wishing and trying to figure out

what made you go rogue on our love

and kill it in the most gruesomest

way possible, damaging me to an extent

that even my best friend could repair,

nor could the hundreds of God could

give redemption from.

In the corners of the road, amongst the thousands

my eyes still searches for you in the real

world as well as the virtual world.

Hoping and dreaming just for a glance

of your beautiful smile

which once brought me to my knees.

Every day I decide to let go, but letting go itself lets go

of my decision.

You were always the damsel who made

me put on my best battle suit to fight on.

And till today I do fight, before it was to win you

now to let you go.

Your love was all that kept me humble and kind

and till date it sure does.

For whenever there is a happy moment it makes

Me doubt the instance .

You were the flower that bloomed

In my desert heart.

Unknowingly things went haywire

Paradise was just burnt to the ground

And u danced amidst the ashes.

The artistic approach to literature

Turned into a monologue of trying

To forget and forgive you.

For you see; words merely try to speak

Out my heart n soul.

You were the chaos I was once

Happy to be with now

All am left with is just the chaos

Which you left me with.

How do I tell that

You still cross my mind

That i still to long to hold your

Hands n walk through rest of

Our life.

You are there yet not there

So is the void that runs in my life

Without you.

May be one day you will come back

Or may be i shall forget you forever.

Either of which am unsure.

But maybe one day……..

It shall all pass.
Cheers to life

Airboy89
 

 

adrift with thoughts

Adrift

Adrift in the universe

we all reach our destination

some reach early

some reach late

for it’s all about the journey

we start off with no words

we slog speaking about reaching

then again when we attain silence

we reach there

and then finally

attain complete silence

with no return.

Adrift in thoughts

adrift in actions

adrift in the every existence

but what intrigues are the ones

who know they are adrift

and yet stay calm in that chaos

and master the art of being

at absolute peace

even when the noise inside is

greater than the one outside….

there is no shame

in being lost

for we all are lost

few lost in themselves

few lost on others

few lost on the thought of being lost.

but blessed are the ones

who find a track in the trackless road..

For chaos is not always chaotic.

 

Cheers to life

Airboy89

 

The walk

There is just silence in the lips

that you once touched

when it spoke of dying.

There is just a mess in the head

which was once filled thoughts of you and me.

The long walks are just no longer

reviving, the water touching the feet at the beach

no longer is funny.

You still reside inside me as a part of me

as a memory etched on the wall of

my soul.

there is darkness, there is a shield which blocks

all the light for you are the only

light my soul awaits for.

There is anger, which just built year on year

cause of your absence to cool  off

the fire inside me.

The body is alive but the soul is as dead as is

the heart which once was filled with joy.

There is no one to wipe those shiny droplets of

tears which fall off at the dark nights when

the silence just takes me back to

the land where we once walked majestically

dramatically.

Days are drama show, hiding the pain the anger,

night is the matinee show where there is just silence and tears.

I breathe not cause I want to its just cause I have to,

for maybe one day all this pain

shall reap its result, that is you.

I do not miss you,

For you are always there,

In the corners of my heart and soul.

You have touched the depths of my dark soul

you made me flourish as a warrior

You taught the best war lessons,

for I still, fight myself trying not to run

into the prison of agony where you let go of me

All this just comes to my mind as I take

The Walk….

 

Footstep

As the sound of footsteps

were no longer heard,

the giggles vanished

the cute shouting

went numb.

The ride along the

road turned into

a lonely trip.

She was there same time not there.

She became Schrödinger’s cat

live example.

She took it all away

the smile, the happiness,

the very essence that

kept him alive.

She thought of it as a Yiddish

act what she did.

But she did not know

that, that was what

he liked it in her

cause she made him feel like

a kid without being ashamed of it.

She outgrew it while he was

dragged into that state of innocence.

Hands were clapped together to

every imaginary being

for mercy for a miracle.

The hands which never knelt before anyone

came down n fell onto her

feet. But

he was immature for her now…

He cried a river and oceans for her

but she had built a dam

to obstruct those from reaching her.

The soul which was once alive

died, it died a death that it

wished not even

worst of his enemies should get.

Silent cry for peace was witnessed by the 4 walls

and the darkness of his room.

Madness was the only way out.

From a one faced man,

he turned himself into a two-faced person.

A smiling Buddha in the morning

and a fire-breathing dragon at night.

Death was the only wish he wished upon

the shooting stars.

his heart ached for the pieces of memories,

the arms longed for that last hug

cheeks wished for that one small kiss

heart prayed for that warmth she bestowed upon him.

From a depend less

person he had become

a dependent of a soul who left him in

the pit of fire.

Pages of poems, heaps of unsaid words

in form of letters all just to himself

meant for her.

For fate, life, destiny all

played one of the most cruelest joke

from transforming a beast into a

human and later let him rot in

the agony of memories.

Heart was broken, mind was

shattered, soul damaged.

He lost himself, searching for her.

In the streets, in the buses in the trains,

in the garden, all but in vain

for it was all gone she

was in the arms of another man.

All he could do was ponder as to

what he did wrong,

what was it that he fell short of.

As he heard her name his eyes

would glow with a hope that she is

around.

He would search the crowd with

a hope that she may be around

only to realize she is present in his

heart and soul.

Anger and sadness walked inside

while smile danced outside.

People disturbed his soul,

whilst solitude rejuvenated.

All that was left was memoirs of the

glory past where she walked beside him

now all that was left was a damaged armor

with a sword on his back

passing through the heart

as a mark of the LOVE that

once tamed the savage beast.

Words wanted to come out

but couldn’t speak out

for the senses also cheated .

Hope was lost, dreams were crushed.

Happiness was destroyed.

A mini-universe within

collapsed onto destruction.

All the alcohol in the world

all the smiles in the universe

could not relieve him

of the fire burning inside..

The flame burns till now

hoping for her return

destroying him inch by inch.

Somedays he wants to destroy

the world

somedays he just wants to see the world

burn down by itself.

Somedays he wants to hunt down the wolves

somedays he becomes the wolf.

Some days he is at a paradox with himself

and some days he is at peace.

And that my friend is the reality

the bruises that love leaves behind

when love leaves………

That is the state of the heartbroken

who fight the demons which they

help create…

pain is a daily

routine when one tries

to express in words they just go

numb…. for some pain

are felt and not expressed

for some emotions are cruel

beyond …

 

 

 

 

Short Post 14

In the sea of what if’s and it could have been

A wave washed ashore

Thinking what if

the vampire is not scared of the sun

what if they hide away from the sun

not cause of death is scary

What if the sunlight would only judge them

for staying alive.

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The untold stories created a melodrama

in the pages of the book which was written inside the head.

 

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The struggle was not to die

but to die living.

The struggle was not to stop failing

but to build success upon those failures.

Struggle was not for peace

but to find chaos, peaceful.

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